The following is a transcript for the episode "Ties That Bind".
[It appears to be a nice quiet Saturday morning. A butterfly perches on Lincoln's window. Just then, a sudden blast blows the butterfly away and we see the real actions occurring inside the Loud House. Luna is rocking, Lucy is reading her poetry on the attic steps, Lola and Lana are racing with their car and pogo stick, some commotion is coming from Lisa and Lily's room, Lily is finger painting on the hall walls, and Luan is practicing with her dummy Mr. Coconuts]
Mr. Coconuts: "How do you make an egg roll?"
Luan: "I don't know. How do you make an egg roll?"
Mr. Coconuts: "You push it!"
Luan: "Good one, Mr. Coconuts, but your delivery was a little wooden." [laughs]
[Mr. Coconuts just turns at her and stares at her vividly. Luan reacts surprised and turns to the viewers awkwardly. Leni comes out of her room wearing one of Lori's tanktops.]
Lori: [angrily] "Is that my shirt? Take it off!"
Leni: "I can't! There are boys here!"
[Mr. Coconuts raises his eyebrows in an aroused motion and Luan covers his eyes.]
Mr. Coconuts: "Ah, coconuts."
[Lynn is leaping off the walls in the manners of parkour. Lincoln is trying to copy it, but falls on his face. Lynn bounces off Luna's speakers and leaps over Lola's car and Lana's pogo stick. Lincoln tries it but Lola runs him over and Lana bounces off him. He tries to catch up with Lynn.]
Lynn: "See, Linc, the key to parkour is momentum. Never stop moving." [leaps onto and springs off the bathroom door] "Door jump!" [flips back]
Lincoln: "Door jump!" [drop kick opens the door and falls in] "Whoa!"
[Cliff comes walking out of the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper on his right paw. The hind one.]
Lincoln: [on the bathroom floor] "I"m okay. Just gonna lie here a sec on the nice, soft floor." [to the viewers] "Welcome to a typical Saturday morning in the Loud House. Sure it's crazy, but that's the way we like it. All eleven of us."
[At that moment, their mom's voice comes through the vent]
Rita: "Eleven is way too many. I can't take it anymore."
Lynn Sr.: "But we can't get rid of them. I'm too attached."
[Lincoln gasps and gets closer to hear better]
Rita: "I know you are, honey, but they're just so obnoxious and loud."
Lincoln: "Are they talking about us?" [looks out into the hallway to see the chaos that they love possibly being the cause of this issue with Lori trying to get her shirt back from Leni who's running from her while Lori holds on.]
Lori: "Stop! You're stretching my shirt!"
Rita: "I'm sorry, but my mind is made up. I want all of them out of the house and on the curb in time for trash pickup tomorrow."
Lincoln: [terrified] "Trash pickup?" [runs off to tell his sisters]
[Down the vent the scene goes to their parents' room to reveal what they're actually talking about, which appears to be about their father's neckties.]
Lynn Sr.: "But I love my tie collection! Cool neckwear is my thing."
Rita: "Honey, they're an embarrassment."
Lynn Sr.: [holds up his disco tie] "Not this one." [presses a button that makes it light up and play music] "It's like a dance party around your neck." [starts dancing which makes his wife feel embarrassed]
[The girls have heard what Lincoln heard through the vent and don't believe him.]
Lori: "That is literally the dumbest thing you have ever said."
Lynn: "Yeah. Why would they want to get rid of us?"
[Lincoln shows them the damage, nay, the destruction they have caused in the hallway and a coyote trying to make off with Mr. Coconuts. The coyote notices the kids, drops Mr. Coconuts, and leaves.]
Lori: [still disbelieving] "Whatever, Mr. Paranoid. This is a waste of valuable texting time."
Lincoln: "Lori, wait! I'm serious! Come listen for yourself."
[Lori is listening to the conversation now with worry.]
Lynn Sr.: "But I thought you loved them."
Rita: "Frankly, dear, I didn't like the first one." [Her words send Lori into a state of panicking depression] "And the next thing I know, we've got eleven."
Lori: [to her other sisters] "IT'S TRUE! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING RID OF US!"
[The others start panicking]
Lola: [furious] "I'm gonna go down there and give them a piece of my mind!"
Lincoln: "Guys. Shh. Quiet down."
Lola: "I'm gonna lose my princess bed! Don't you tell me to quiet down!"
Lincoln: "This is what got us in trouble in the first place. The yelling, the fighting, and the loudness."
Lori: "Lincoln's right. We have to be quiet, and perfectly well behaved."
Lincoln: "If we all work together, maybe we can convince Mom and Dad not to get rid of us. Now who's with me?"
Sisters: [yelling] "WE ARE!" [realize their noise and tone down] "We are."
[The kids put their operation to work. Lynn glues the vase back together and Lisa creates a chemical that makes a bouquet for the vase. Luna is packing her favorite axe away.]
Luna: [sorrowfully] "Sorry, love. Time to go acoustic." [puts away her axe and starts playing a zither]
Luan: [puts away Mr. Coconuts] "So sorry, Mr. Coconuts."
Mr. Coconuts: [played by Luan] "Without me, you're just a hand!" [Luan closes the trunk on him and speaks for him in a muffled tone] "Hey! I bring the funny! You're always-"
[Luan zips her lip and is now a mime. Lisa is mopping on the ceiling thanks to her anti-gravity shoes. Lucy sighs deeply on the mirror and wipes it. Luan is miming like she's cleaning with a broom and Lori sternly gives her a real broom to sweep up. Leni is returning Lori her shirt and wearing something else.]
Leni: "Here's your shirt back."
Lori: "Thanks." [takes her shirt back and sees what Leni's wearing] "Wait! That's my sweater!"
Lincoln: [reminding his eldest sister] "Remember the plan."
Lori: [feigning] "And it looks so much cuter on you!" [grins widely]
[Lily is crying with worry of getting kicked out and Luan performs the classic trapped-in-a-box routine and cheers Lily up. Leni walks in]
Leni: "Oh my gosh! Luan, are you okay? HELP, GUYS! I THINK LUAN'S TRAPPED!"
[The twins are feigning giving each other turns to use the bathroom first]
Lana: "Ladies first!"
Lola: "No, dear twin, after you!"
Lana: "You're too kind, dear Lola, but I must insist you go first."
Lola: "I shan't hear of it!"
Lana: "And I would never forgive myself if I went before you!"
Lola: "Oh, please! Age before beauty! You are two minutes older!"
[Lincoln is standing right behind him really needing to pee]
Twins: "Oh, dear brother! You go first."
Lincoln: "Thanks!" [rushes in and uses the toilet and is greeted with an update on their parents' conversation from the vent]
Lynn Sr.: "Honey, please! Won't you reconsider?"
[Lincoln holds it and goes to tell his sisters]
Lincoln: "Guys, Mom and Dad are at the vent again."
[The girls rush into the bathroom to listen in]
Rita: "Okay, maybe I judged them unfairly. Forget what I said about getting rid of all of them."
[The kids are relieved]
Lori: "It worked!"
Twins: "We did it! We get to stay!"
Lucy: "Oh joy. What a relief."
Lincoln: [still straining from not being able to go at such an inconvenient time] "Speaking of relief, everyone out, please."
[The girls all leave the bathroom happy that they're not gonna have to leave as Luan pretends to pull on a rope]
Leni: [intrigued by Luan's rope trick] "Ooh! Invisible rope!" [follows it]
[Lincoln shuts the bathroom door so he can pee as his parents talk more]
Lynn Sr.: "You mean it? I can keep them all?"
Rita: "I didn't say that. But I will let you keep your favorite."
Lincoln: [shocked] "His favorite?" [gets closer]
Lynn Sr.: "But they're all equally great. How can I pick just one?"
Rita: "Come on. There must be one that stands out above the rest."
Lincoln: "I've got some serious standing out to do." [straining] "Right after I pee." [takes care of that]
[Lincoln is now making a nice breakfast for his father with pancakes in the shape of his face and coffee, using the "TOP POP" coffee mug. As soon as it's ready, he sneaks over to his parents' room, but Lola catches him.]
Lola: [suspicious] "Lincoln, where are you going with those pancakes?"
Lola: [examines the breakfast] "And why did you spell out "World's Best Dad" with chocolate chips?"
[It's true. Lincoln did do that on the whipped cream for his dad's coffee.]
Lincoln: "You can read?"
Lola: "I am more than just a pretty face, Lincoln! Now, you're up to something, and I'm gonna find out what it is!" [pulls Lincoln by his ear]
Lincoln: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" [tells the news to the others who are now glaring at him and having dropped the breakfast] "But on the upside, we're not all getting kicked out. One of us gets to stay."
Lynn: "And you thought it'd be you?" [viciously bites into a Lincoln pancake]
Lola: "What happened to 'we all work together'?"
Lincoln: "I'm sorry. I just kind of panicked."
Luna: "Dudes, Mom and Dad are talking again."
[They rush over to the vent]
Lynn Sr.: "I don't know. Maybe I'll keep the musical one."
[Luna smiles triumphantly]
Rita: "Are you kidding? That one makes my ears bleed."
Luna: [heartbroken] "Way harsh, Mom..."
[Her siblings console her]
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I definitely don't need the dark one. So dreary. Good for a funeral, but what else, really? Right?"
[Lucy gasps, thinking that Dad meant he doesn't want her and Lynn laughs at her]
Lynn Sr.: "How about the one with the hockey sticks?"
Rita: "Eh, never been a fan." [Now Lynn gasps] "Same with the filthy one." [Lana scoffs]
Lynn Sr.: "How about the funny one?"
[Luan puts a smile on her face, thinking she'll be the one]
Rita: "Never made me laugh."
[Luan replaces her smile with a frown and puts a teardrop on her cheek]
Lynn Sr.: "Ugh. Now the pink one I can definitely do without."
Lola: [enraged] "You will PAY FOR THIS!"
Rita: "And the littlest one is just crying to be thrown out."
[Lily is flabbergasted. She puts her pacifier in her mouth and goes into a fetal position.]
Rita: "Then we've got the dumb one."
[The other kids look at Leni]
Leni: [oblivious] "What?"
Lynn Sr.: "You know, I'd also feel a little guilty about tossing out the gifted one."
[Lisa seems calm about that comment presumably reflect on her]
Rita: "Oh, who's gonna know?" [Lisa's expression changes] "So where does that leave us?"
[The girls realize there's only one left and it's the only boy]
Lisa: "I believe it leaves you with Lincoln. But what do I know? I'm just the gifted one."
[The girls are all furious at this decision which Lincoln can't help with. At that moment, he fantasizes what it would be like if he had the house all to himself. He is dressed in a more prestigious and high-class ensemble]
Lynn Sr.: "Well, son, now that we've cleared out the clutter, we've got a lot of extra space in the house! And it's all yours."
Rita: "Have fun with it."
[Lynn Sr. throws out everything that reminds him of his former daughters, even the picture all eleven kids took for their parents' anniversary and replaces it with a gilded photo of their golden son. What was once Lucy and Lynn's room is now a video arcade, what used to be Lori and Leni's room is now a multiplex theater, and Lisa and Lily's former room is now a go-kart tracking. Lincoln and Clyde are racing together and come to a complete stop.]
Clyde: [holds up a membership plaque and gives it to Lincoln] "Welcome to the Only Child Club."
Lincoln: [happily] "Wow...I've always wonder what it would be like to be an only child."
Lola: "YOU WHAT?!"
Lincoln: [snaps out of it] "Uh...I mean..." [feigning sympathy] "...being an only child is gonna be terrible. What am I gonna do without you guys?"
Lori: "Well, I guess we'd better go pack."
[The girls leave the bathroom forlornly]
Leni: "I'm still trying to figure out who the dumb one is."
[As they leave, Lincoln cheerfully closes the door and measures the size of the bathroom]
Lincoln: "I wonder if I could fit a water slide in here?"
[As he measures, the conversation between his parents continues]
Lynn Sr.: "I'm sorry, honey, but I just can't pick a favorite. It's too hard."
Rita: "Fine. Can we at least just get rid of one? Just one? I'm begging you."
Lynn Sr.: "Okay, we'll get rid of, uh...the one with the white hair." [His words worry Lincoln since he's the one with the white hair] "You know, I'm not even sure if it's mine."
[Those words are the final nail in the coffin that makes Lincoln believe he's the one they're gonna force to leave. He leaves the bathroom in a great depression with a superimposed image of his walk over the scene. It turns out the folks were talking about the tie with a creepy looking Easter bunny.]
Rita: "You mean your Easter tie? Honey, no one calls it a "hare". It's a bunny rabbit. But I agree. It's hideous."
[Lincoln has packed up his things in a bindle and called his sisters into what will soon no longer be his room]
Lincoln: "You may be wondering why I assembled you all here."
Lori: "Uh, yeah. You've got five minutes. I literally have an entire wardrobe to pack."
Lincoln: "Don't bother." [sighs] "I overheard another conversation between Mom and Dad."
[The girls chastise him for eavesdropping even further]
Lincoln: "Wait. Mom and Dad aren't choosing a favorite kid to keep. They're just getting rid of one: me."
[The girls gasp in shock]
Lincoln: "So, I wanted to give you guys my treasured possessions before I, you know, have to leave." [gives Lily his stuffed rabbit] "Lily, this is Bun-Bun. He needs two hugs a day, and...try to keep his ears clean."
[Lily nonchalantly just puts Bun-Bun in her mouth]
Lincoln: "Luan, these are my rarest comics." [Luan turns them down] "But they're limited editions."
Lori: "She's not taking them because you're not leaving. There's no way we're letting Mom and Dad kick you out."
Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, and Lisa: "YEAH! YOU'RE STAYING!"
Lincoln: "Really? Even though I was going to turn your rooms into my own personal theme park?"
[The girls look at him upset and seem to have changed their minds]
Lola: "It was nice knowin' ya." "[takes Lincoln's piggy bank]
[Lana takes Bun-Bun and the piggy bank back from the baby and her twin and returns them to Lincoln]
Lana: "Of course we won't let you go. You're our only brother."
Lori: "Come on. We're gonna march right down there and tell Mom and Dad you're staying!"
[Mom and Dad's room. The kids barge in and the girls start demanding their folks to let Lincoln stay and trip onto the floor.]
Parents: "What the-"
[The girls are all still demanding that Lincoln stay]
Leni: "There's nothing wrong with his white hair!"
Lynn Sr.: "White hair? You kids like my Easter tie?"
Luna: [clearly confused] "Easter tie?"
[The Easter tie makes a high-pitched laugh]
Lynn Sr.: "Yeah. It's great, right? You know what? They all are!" [looks at his collection which shows themes similar to his daughters] "Honey, I'm not getting rid of any of these ties!"
Lincoln: "Ties? You guys have been talking about ties?"
Rita: "Of course. What did you think we were talking about?"
Lincoln: "Uh, nothing."
Lola: [pleadingly horrified] "WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA GET RID OF US!"
[Their parents laugh at such a thought]
Rita: "Oh, we would never do that. You're the best ten things that ever happened to us."
Lynn Sr.: "There's eleven, honey."
Rita: "Yep. Right."
[The girls are relieved that it was all just a misunderstanding. Lincoln looks at his Dad's Easter tie which laughs again]
Lincoln: [crept out] "Whoof! Dad really should get rid of that one."
[The kids return to their antics with Lynn trying to teach Lincoln parkour, Luna jamming, Lily finger painting, Lucy reading her poetry, Lola and Lana playing with their car and pogo stick, Luan practicing with Mr. Coconuts...]
Luan: "Good one, Mr. Coconuts!"
[...and Lori and Leni fighting over one of Lori's sweaters which Lincoln gets covered in, resulting in him landing in the bathroom again. This time, Geo gets a trail of toilet paper stuck to his hamster ball]
Lincoln: "Ah..." [to the viewers] "Looks like everything's back to normal at the Loud House. And my eavesdropping days are over."
[He says as another conversation between his parents comes from the vent]
Lynn Sr.: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN?!"
Lincoln: [gasps in alarm] "YOU GUYS!" [runs off to tell his sisters]
Lynn Sr.: "You know I"m gluten free!"
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts