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The following is a transcript for the episode "Pulp Friction".

Script

[The episode opens up on a city at night. In a warehouse, Lincoln as Ace Savvy and Clyde as One-Eyed Jack are hanging over a shark tank with the shark leaping up, trying to devour them.]
Wild Card Willy: [laughing evilly] "Game over, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack!"
Ace Savvy: "Think again, Wild Card Willy! I've got a few more cards up my sleeve!"
[Ace drops a handful of cards on the ground with his sisters. Just then, a horn blazes and the van comes in with Lori's persona at the wheel.]
The High Card: "Alright, girls, [lifts up her mask] let's deal with these losers!"
THE HIGH CARD
[The van opens up revealing the rest of the girls in their Ace Savvy personae.]
Wild Card Willy: "Eep!" [hides behind one of his henchmen.] "Get them!"
[The girls leap into action with Lily and Lola's personae starting the fight off.]
Henchman #1: [to his partner] "You take the baby, I'll take the princess."
The Queen of Diamonds: "Excuse you. I am the queen." [She flicks her hair as her tiara sparkles.]
THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
[The Queen tosses her diamond tiara and knocks out Henchman #2. Henchman #1 comes charging at them as Lily holds up some stinky diapers.]
THE DEUCE
[The Deuce tosses her diapers that act as stink bombs and nails the other goon. Luna's persona turns up the volume.]
The Night Club: "Get ready to do the Bad Guy Shuffle!"
THE NIGHT CLUB
[The Night Club blares her guitar at the minions and knocks them into a hole dug up by Lucy's persona.]
The Eight of Spades: "No aces in this hole."
THE EIGHT OF SPADES
[Lynn's persona charges via comic panels into the goons with a headbutt.]
The Strong Suit: "52 Pickup!"
THE STRONG SUIT
[One of the goons lands on a pile of other defeated minions with Lisa's persona keeping an accurate count.]
The Card Counter: "Or more precisely, six." [smashes another henchman's face with her calculator.] "Make that seven."
THE CARD COUNTER
[As Ace and Jack draw closer to the tank, they notice Leni's persona.]
The Eleven of Hearts: "Hey, guys, check out my new outfit. It's perfect for fall weather and springing into action!" [uses the sash on her outfit as a utility rope, swings over the tank and saves Ace and Jack.] "Ugh, these belts are so 90's!" [pulls their chains off and sets them free, she drops them.]
THE ELEVEN OF HEARTS
[Wild Card Willy makes for the exit.]
Ace: "Wild Card's getting away!"
[Lana's persona is working on the shark tank.]
The Royal Flush: "Hey, Willy, go fish!" [loosens the bolt on the pipe.]
THE ROYAL FLUSH
[The tank comes loose with the water and sharks coming out; Wild Card evades it but gets knocked back by a jack-in-the-box style weapon set up by Luan's persona.]
The Joker: "I see your bet and raise you!" [laughs]
THE JOKER
[Ace and Jack beat and tie up Wild Card Willy.]
Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?"
Willy: "'Cause that's the only way to clean up. So, I guess it's off to jail for me."
[It then shows Willy in a jail cell with a caption reading END in the lower right corner and it was a comic Lincoln and Clyde made, they were showing it to Liam, Girl Jordan, and Rusty.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "The end."
Liam and Girl Jordan: "Awesome!"
Rusty: "That was sick. Where'd you get the idea for all those butt-kicking super ladies?"
Lincoln: "From my sisters. They've always got my back. [perturbed] Except for Lola. You never turn your back on Lola."
Liam: "So, if you fellas win the contest, they'll make this here into a real Ace Savvy comic?"
Clyde: "And we'll get to meet the creator, Bill Buck!" [holds out a photo of said creator.]
Heavenly voice: "Bill Buck~..."
Girl Jordan: "Well, I think your comic's totally gonna win."
Liam: "Darn tootin'."
Rusty: "Word."
[At that moment, Principal Huggins grabs the comic book away from them.]
Principal Huggins: "Loud, McBride, school time is meant for learning, not for doodling degenerate fantasies! This trash belongs to me now!"
Lincoln: "But Principal Huggins, you can't take our comic!"
Principal Huggins: "Oh, and now you're giving me sass? That's detention! Today! Till 5:00!"
Clyde: "But we have to get to the post office by 4:00. That's the contest deadline."
Principal Huggins: [sarcastically] "Oh, I didn't realize. I'll just give it back to you. [serious] NOT!"


[Detention]
Principal Huggins: "I've got just the thing to keep those doodling hands of yours busy: cleaning erasers." [gives them the erasers and leaves.]
Lincoln: [throws the erasers aside.] "But we're not criminals. All we did was make a comic. And we're getting it back." [tries to open the door but can't.] "Dang it. He locked us in from the outside."
[Lincoln tries to get out via the window, but Huggins stops him by welding it shut. He snarls while Lincoln starts cleaning the erasers nervously.]
Lincoln:[throws the erasers away again.] "Okay, Plan B. We'll sharpen a bunch of pencils and dig our way out."
[Just then, the door opens to show it's Lola.]
Lola: [twirling her tiara] "Or I could just pick the lock." [puts the tiara back on.] "Not that your idea wasn't great."
Lincoln: "Lola? Why are you busting us out?"
[Lana appears]
Lana: "'Cause we heard about Huggins confiscating your comic book."
Lola: "The one starring me as Queen of Diamonds!"
Lana: "And me as the Royal Flush!"
Lola: "You think we're gonna let some power-tripping principal take away our chance to get famous?"
Lincoln: "Sweet! Now we just gotta find a way to sneak into Huggins' office and get our comic back."
Clyde: "Maybe we could use your pencils."
Lana: "Forget that." [brings in janitorial equipment] "Hop on!"
Clyde: [defeated] "I tried, buddy."
[They get into the waste bins with Lana pushing them toward Huggins' office while he's doing his work.]
Clyde: "We gotta find to get Huggins out of his office."
Lana: "It's taken care of."
[Principal Huggins' secretary Cheryl comes running by.]
Cheryl: "Principal Huggins! Principal Huggins! We have got a situation in the gym!"
[In the gym, Coach Pacowski is being chased by bats summoned by Lucy in the rafters with her arm sticking out with three bats on it.]
Principal Huggins: [heading for the gym] "I'm on it!"
[Cheryl goes to her desk.]
Lincoln: "Now we have to distract Cheryl."
Lola: "It's taken care of."
[Lisa is at Cheryl's desk.]
Lisa: "Hello, Cheryl. I took the liberty of assessing the school budget, and encountered numerous instances of wasteful spending."
Cheryl: "Oh, that's very cute, sweetie, but I'm sure everything here is in order."
[Lisa places a ton of files of such spending on Cheryl's desk.]
Lisa: "Item one: the two dozen fresh cut roses you sent yourself on Secretary's Day. Put on a pot of coffee, sweetie. We're gonna be here a while."
[While she has Cheryl distracted, Lincoln and Clyde sneak into Huggins' office searching every nook and cranny for their comic.]
Lincoln: "Come on. Come on. Where is it?"
Clyde: [pointing] "There!"
[They find it in his satchel, but before they can grab it...]
Principal Huggins: [unaware that Lisa took Cheryl's place.] "Problem solved, Cheryl. We got rid of the bats, and Coach is resting comfortably after his rabies shot." [grabs his coat which Lincoln was hiding under as he grabs his trench coat to hide in.] "I'm headed home for the day." [gets a file from Clyde's arm while he's not looking.] "You can let Loud and McBride out of detention at 5:00, but only if the erasers are clean." [takes his satchel and leaves]
[Lincoln sees the satchel is gone and gasps.]
Lincoln: "Oh no! Huggins just took our comic home with him!"
Clyde: "And worse: we didn't finish cleaning the erasers!" [holds out the erasers]


[The kids burst out the door and see Huggins leaving on his golf cart.]
Lincoln: "There goes Huggins! How are we gonna catch up to him?"
Lana: "It's taken care of."
[Vanzilla drives up and they all hop in.]
Lori: "Lincoln, where have you been? The post office closes in 30 minutes!"
Lincoln: "Change of plans. Principal Huggins has the comic. Follow that golf cart, High Card!"
Luna: "Let's rock, dudes!"
[Luna starts playing some action music on her guitar and Lori, with determination in her eyes, chases after Principal Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: [singing along] "♫Ooh, girl! / If I could / Ooh, girl!♫"
Lynn: [holding a boomerang out the window] "I got eyes on the comic!"
[She tosses the boomerang, but Huggins hits a pothole and the boomerang misses.]
Principal Huggins: "Yeesh!"
[The boomerang instead picks up a raccoon.]
Lynn: [ducks down] "RACCOON!"
[The raccoon lands in Vanzilla and attacks the Loud kids and Clyde for a little turbulence. Principal Huggins comes to a stop at an intersection, sees it's clear and goes. Vanzilla comes to a stop because Scoots is passing the crosswalk and taking a little too long. Lori honks the horn.]
Lola: [impatient] "MOVE IT, LADY!"
Scoots: [sarcastically] "Oh, am I going too slow for you?" [sets her scooter in slow reverse.]
Lori: "Guys, we're literally losing him!"
Luan: "Don't worry. He won't give us the slip!" [grabs Lola's banana and Lana's slingshot and fires the banana ahead of Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: [still singing] "♫Ooh, girl / Doo-doo-doo♫" [hits the banana peel and loses control.] "Whoa!"
[As he tries to regain control, the comic falls out of his satchel and Lincoln and Clyde get it back.]
Clyde: [checking his watch] "We still have five minutes to get it to the post office."
[They get back in Vanzilla.]
Lincoln: "Let's roll."
Luna: "And rock!"
[But before she can get into the music, the van doesn't start.]
Luna: "Dudes, I can't play action music if there's no action."
[Lori and Lana check the engine, it's completely damaged.]
Lana: "Bad news, guys. We pushed Vanzilla too hard."
Lincoln and Clyde: [aghast] "NOOOOOO!!!"
Leni: "Hey, guys! Check out the new look!" [sporting a sash like The Eleven of Hearts'.]
Lynn: "Leni, this isn't the time to talk about fashion!"
[Leni takes off the sash and reveals that she's using it to tie Vanzilla to a passing pickup truck to tow them to the post office.]
Lucy: "I never thought I'd say this, but... [kind] good thinking, Leni."
Leni: "I got the idea from Lincoln's coloring book."
[They arrive at the post office just in time.]
Lincoln: [to the pickup truck driver] "Thanks for the tow!"
[It reveals to have been a pig driving and his farmer in the passenger seat giving a thumbs up.]
Lola: "Just hurry up and make us famous!"
[Lincoln pulls out his cards like Ace. He and Clyde enter the post office and run up to the mailing window.]
Lincoln: [at the same time as someone else.] "This needs to be mailed by four o'clock!"
[Lincoln and Clyde turn around and find out that the other person is Principal Huggins.]
Lincoln and Principal Huggins: [shocked] "What are you doing here?!"
[Principal Huggins drops something in his state of surprise.]
Lincoln: [pointing at it] "Is that a comic book?"
Principal Huggins: "A what? No! I mean, shouldn't you boys be in detention?"
[Lincoln picks it up.]
Clyde: "It is a comic book! The Adventures of Ace Savvy and the Principal Valiant by Wilbur T. Huggins."
Lincoln: [gasps] "You're entering the Ace Savvy contest?"
Clyde: "And your name is Wilbur?"
Principal Huggins: [pointing the other way] "Look! New commemorative stamps!"
[When the boys have their backs turn, Wilbur grabs his comic and runs only to bump into Scoots and pratfall.]
Lincoln: "So, that's why you confiscated our comic book and put us in detention: to knock us out of the running!"
Principal Huggins: "Okay, okay, I did it. But I had to. When I heard how great your comic was, I knew mine wouldn't stand a chance."
Clyde: "But, sir, why is a comic book contest so important to you? You're a successful school administrator. You've got your own golf cart."
Principal Huggins: "Yes, it's true. I have it all. But it wasn't always this way."
[Flashback to Huggins' childhood]
Principal Huggins: [narrating] "When I was your age, I didn't have a lot of friends. But I had Ace."
Young Wilbur: [reading his comic] "Yeah, get 'em, Ace! Way to deal out some justice!"
[The other kids playing baseball hit the ball through his comic book and laugh at him.]
Batter: "Look at him!"
[End flashback]
Principal Huggins: "Those comics meant the world to me. I wanted to win the contest so I could meet Bill Buck and thank him for getting me through a lonely childhood. But I went too far. I'm sorry, boys. You deserve to win, not me. As Ace Savvy would say, deal me out." [takes his comic and leaves forlornly.]
Clyde: "Wow. I guess there's more to Huggins than meets the eye."
Lincoln: "Yeah. And his story just gave me an idea."
[Principal Huggins hops in his golf cart for home.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "Principal Huggins, wait!"
Principal Huggins: "Oh, yes. Of course. You'll need my administrator ID to report me to the school board."
Lincoln: "No. We're not reporting anyone. Clyde and I get it. Ace has gotten us through some tough times, too."
Clyde: "Yeah. Like when Lori first got together with Bobby. It was a rainy Tuesday. I wore suede shoes. That was a mistake."
Lincoln: "I think he gets the idea, Clyde." [to Principal Huggins] "And we're not mad, because you just gave us a much better ending for our comic."
Principal Huggins: "I did?"
Clyde: "You did." [checks his watch] "But we gotta hurry. We only have a minute."
Principal Huggins: "I think I can buy you a few minutes."
[Back in the post office, Wilbur walks up toward the the mailing window where the lady there pulls the curtain down.]
Lee: "I'm sorry, sir. We're closing." [Wilbur pulls it back up.] "Ooh."
Principal Huggins: [smoothly] "Hello, Mrs..." [reads her name tag] "...Lee, is it? I believe your son Wyatt attends my school. How would he like a little..." [nudges eyebrows] "...extra recess? Maybe a get-out-of-gym pass?"
[He holds up the pass and Lee likes where he's going; he gives the thumbs up, giving the boys time to change the ending to their comic.]


[Return to the comic with the new ending.]
Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?" [takes off his handkerchief.]
Willy: [downtrodden] "I'm not an evil guy. I was just dealt a bad hand. As a lonely kid, the only game I knew was Solitaire. So, I guess it's off to jail for me."
Ace: "I have a better idea."
[Cut to a heist having been pulled by Scoots' Ace Savvy villain persona.]
Jack: "The Old Maid's making off with the jackpot!"
Old Maid: "You'll never catch me, Savvy!" [laughs]
Ace: "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, 'cause we've got a new card to play."
[Willy appears by Ace and Jack.]
Willy: "Time to deal out some justice!"
WILD CARD WILLY
[The comic stops with Buck Bill reading it in his studio.]
Bill: "I love the ending! Especially when we learn Wild Card was a lonely kid. I read a lot of entries with great action sequences, but none with this kind of heart."
Lincoln: "It was inspired by our principal here. He really wanted to meet you."
Principal Huggins: [speechless] "Sir, it is an honor. I just never-ah, this is the best day of my-" [passes out from the excitement]
[Lincoln and Clyde just shrug it off; enter Lincoln's sisters.]
Lola: "Hey, what did you think of the Queen of Diamonds? Wasn't she your favorite part? Here! Let me show you some of my ideas for an action figure and a bed sheet set."
[The rest of the kids gather around Bill and talk to him about the comic.]
Bill: "Whoa! This is kind of a...full house!"