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Out on a Limo/Script

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The following is a transcript for "Out on a Limo".

Script

[The episode begins with Lincoln looking out his window.]
Lincoln: "Is that it?"
[Blue car passes by.]
Lincoln: "No. Oh, there it is!"
[Old man on a scooter passes by.]
Lincoln: "No." [Smiles] "There it is!"
[Old man returns to pick up newspaper then leaves.]
Lincoln: "No. [To the viewers] This may be the coolest day of my life! You're looking at the grand prize winner of the Seed's Mustard "Win a Limo for a Day" contest."
[His whole room is covered in mustard smears and jars]
Lincoln: "I had to eat my weight in mustard. But I finally found the winning jar."
[The limo blares a fancy horn and pulls up in front of the Loud House and Lincoln rushes out of his room excited]
Lincoln: "Here it is! Here it is! HERE IT IS!"
[He and his sisters rush out of the house and the chauffeur opens up the door]
Kirby: "Good morning, sir. I'm Kirby, your personal Chauffeur for the day."
[Lincoln hops in and his sisters rush Kirby and join the fun. Inside, they enjoy the accommodations the limo has to offer. Luna presses a button and releases a disco ball. Lola cannonballs into a fountain.]
Luan: [lowers the partition window and sees Lily] "Peek-a-boo!" [raises it and lowers it again] "Peek-a-boo!"
Lana: [opens up a cabinet full of mustard jars] "Whoa, this limo has a fancy mustard collection!" [engulfs an entire jar's contents]
Lynn: [with a baseball mitt] "Let's go pick up my team!"
Leni: "Let's go to the mall!"
Lucy: "I know a funeral procession we can ride in."
Lori: "Guys, guys, I know you're all excited about Lincoln's limo. But let's let him enjoy it for a while first, then he'll come back and take us for a ride. Right, Linky?"
Lincoln: "Sure! How about I pick you all up at 5:00 and we can all go down to the Burpin' Burger?"
Girls: "YAY!"
[They all start singing the Burpin' Burger jingle]
Lincoln: "Hungry, y'all? Look no further!"
Loud Kids: "Come on down to Burpin' Burger / Grade B Beef and special spice / When it comes back up it's twice as nice!"
[A burp is heard and the girls rush out while Kirby shields himself with the passenger door. He bids them good day, gets in the limo, and drives off. It drives back and Lincoln gives Lily to Leni. The limo then drives off.]
Kirby: "Your premium transportation experience begins now, sir." [sets the timer]
Lincoln: "What's all this "sir" stuff? Call me Lincoln."
Kirby: "Phew!" [takes off his driver's cap] "Well, that's a load off. I'm used to driving around snobby guys." [chuckles] "Hey, so where to? Anywhere you want."
Lincoln: "I know just the place."


[Flip's Food and Fuel. Papa Wheelie is slurping up a Flippee with two straws]
Flip: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Double straws? First one's free! You're payin' for that second one."
[Papa Wheelie pays up. The limo drives up.]
Flip: "Sweet bimminy boo!" [pushes one of his clerks out of the way and fills a Flippee cup up] "One side! Important customer!" [brings it to the limo and knocks on the window and Lincoln rolls it down] "Uh, welcome to Flip's! Uh, please enjoy a complimentary Flippee."
Lincoln: "Wow, Flip. You've never given me anything free before."
Flip: "Well, you never had a limo before."
[The other patrons of the mini-mart and even the local news come by to check the limo]
News Anchor: "I'm here with a very important Limo rider who just rode into town. Tell us; how did you get to be so important."
Lincoln: [nervous] "Uh..."
[At that moment, another limo blares its horn and pulls up. The rider roll down his window and reveals to be a wealthy old man.]
Tetherby: "Say there, I like your limo. How did you obtain it?"
Lincoln: "Uh, mustard."
Tetherby: "Oh, you must be the heir to the mustard fortune. What's your name?"
Lincoln: "Lincoln Loud. But I'm not the-"
Tetherby: "I'm Lord Tetherby, heir to the Tetherball fortune. I was just heading to my exclusive country club. Care to join me?"
[Lincoln has a jolt of joy as Tetherby's limo drives off]
Lincoln: "Kirby, follow that limo!"


[They arrive at the country club where Tetherby's butlers have arranged a staircase for him as he exits his limo and Lincoln hops out of his]
Lincoln: "Thanks, Kirby."
[They march up to the door where Lincoln is astonished by what he sees inside]
Tetherby: "Welcome to the Tetherby Country Club." [snaps his finger and his butlers slip him and Lincoln into exclusive robes]
Lincoln: "Ooh, comfy."
Tetherby: "Of course. Now, shall we dine, old bean?"
Lincoln: "Sounds good to me, old...uh...carrot?"
[The two of them have a nice meal together]
Bates: "Is there anything else I can get you, sir?"
Lincoln: "Oh, you don't need to call me "sir". You can call me Lincoln."
[The butlers gasp and one of them faints and Bates drags him out of the room]
Tetherby: "See now, Loud. A man in a limo doesn't act all chummy with the help. It only confused them."
[Lincoln nods in reason and the two of them burst open the door with their hats and canes]
Tetherby: "Now, let's hit the town as limo people do."
[The limos drive off and come toward the afternoon rush where a police officer is conducting traffic and blows his whistle and holds up stop signs]
Cop: "Limo! Limo coming through!"
[The limos pass while the other cars endure fender benders. Lincoln and Tetherby hit a Golf course. Lincoln swings and his ball lands in a water hazard. Tetherby orders Bates to fetch the ball out of it, which he does. They have a round of limo croquet and Lincoln pops his head out with his shirt off and the wind in his face]
Lincoln: "Wow. I never knew life could be like this."
Tetherby: [also topless] "I say, it's a quarter to five, Loud. Shall we check on the markets before they close?"
Lincoln: "That's okay. My mom usually does the shopping." [realizes] "Wait! A quarter to five? I'm supposed to pick up my sisters and take them to the Burpin' Burger!"
Tetherby: "The Burpin' Burger?"
Lincoln: "Yeah, you know. Grade B beef and special spice / When it comes back up it's twice as nice." [burps]
Tetherby: "Look here, Loud. You're a man in a limo. You can't be seen in some rat hole named after a bodily function. It's just not done."
Lincoln: "But my sisters-"
Tetherby: "We all have embarrassing relations. I have a second cousin who takes the bus to work. Can you imagine? The point is we can't let them hold us back. Now, come on, old bean!" [gets out a parachute] "It's time for limo sailing!" [pulls the chord and sails upward] "WOO-HOO-HOO!"
[It's revealed they're sailing on Tetherbee's yacht]
Tetherby: "THIS VIEW IS INCREDIBLE! OH, LOOK! DOLPHINS! I THINK I'LL RIDE ONE!"
[Lincoln hesitates to follow Tetherby's actions but immediately caves in]
Lincoln: "Wait for me, old broccoli stalk!" [sails upward with his new limo buddy]


[Back at the Loud House, the girls are all impatiently waiting for Lincoln to come and pick them up and take them to the Burpin' Burger which is not gonna happen]


Tetherby: "I've got a little surprise for you." [hands Lincoln an invitation that reads You're invited! Please RSVP No riffraff allowed!] "We're holding a gala at the club tonight to welcome our newest member: you!"
Lincoln: "Wow! Thanks old, uh...celery?"
Tetherby: "Don't mention it. I think you'll fit in splendidly. And remember, it's black tie only."
Lincoln: [misunderstanding and astonished] "No pants or anything?"
Tetherby: [heartily chuckles] "Oh, Loud, you are a stitch!"


[The limo arrives back at the Loud House and Lincoln sneaks inside only to be caught by his sisters who are displeased with his negligence]
Lincoln: "Sorry! Wrong house!" [slams the door]
[However, the girls are somehow already outside right in front of him]
Lynn: "Where have you been?"
Lisa: "We were standing on the curb for over three hours!"
Lori: "The garbage guys literally tried to take Lana to the dump!"
[They trudge Lincoln back into the house]
Lincoln: "I'm really sorry. I had a busy day with the very wealthy Lord Tetherby and I just couldn't get away."
Lola: "I cannot believe you have been hanging out with some random rich guy all day instead of taking your own sisters to the Burpin' Burger!!"
Lincoln: [echoing Tetherby's words] "A man in a limo can't be seen in some rat hole named after a bodily function. It's just not done."
Lori: "You're not a man in a limo. You're a kid who ate a bunch of mustard! As soon as your limo's gone, this little fantasy of yours is going to be over."
Lincoln: [smugly] "Oh, really? Is that why they're making me a member of their club tonight, hm? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put on my formal wear." [gets out a marker and holds up one of his shirts]
Lori: [from downstairs] "You'll see, Lincoln! You're no better than the rest of us!"
[Lincoln shuts the door]


[Later, Lincoln is back in his limo, having scribbled all of his clothes black and added a black tie scribble on his shirt]
Lincoln: ""No better than the rest of us"? How dare she! I'm the important person and I've got important places to be! Speaking of which, why aren't we moving?"
[It's revealed that he's in a traffic jam]
Lincoln: "This is unacceptable. Can't you drive around this?"
Kirby: "There's nothing I can do. Sorry, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "Don't call me Lincoln. It's Sir! Tetherby was right. If you get too chummy with the help, it just confuses them. Let's keep this straight, Kirby. I'm the man in the limo. You're the man driving the limo."
[Kirby puts his driver's cap back on and the timer goes off]
Lincoln: [moans] "And what's all this beeping?"
Kirby: [smirking] "It's the timer, sir. Your day is up. You're no longer a man in a limo."
Lincoln: "What?!"
[Kirby kicks him out and drives off]
Lincoln: "Well, the joke's on you..." [holds up a mustard jar] "...'cause I took some of your mustard!"


[It's getting late and Lincoln is now lost downtown while eating some of the mustard he took.]
Lincoln: "Where the heck am I?" [hears some rabid dogs snarling at him and stays calm] "Nice puppies. You like spicy brown? I'm more of a classic yellow fan myself."
[The dogs snarl again and Lincoln runs away screaming as the dogs give chase. Lincoln escapes by climbing a chain link fence and one of the dogs bites and grabs one of his shoes.]
Lincoln: "The joke's on you! These aren't real dress shoes! They're sneakers I colored in with a marker!" [holds up said marker]
[The dogs knock the fence around]
Lincoln: "Whoa!" [falls while losing his pants and falls into a trash can. As he gets out, a truck drives by and splatters mud on him] "Well, the joke's on you, 'cause, uh...oh, who am I kidding? The joke's on me."
[Offscreen, the dogs attack Lincoln again. Eventually, he finally makes it to the club for the gala and knocks on the door]
Lincoln: "Hello? Tetherby? It's me, Loud! I'm here for my gala!"
[Tetherby slides a door window open to get a look at Lincoln's state]
Tetherby: "I say, Loud! What happened to you? And more importantly, what happened to your limo?"
Lincoln: "I don't have it anymore."
Tetherby: "Without a limo, you cannot possibly join the club! It just isn't done!"
Lincoln: "But old, uh...sprout...I thought I fit in splendidly."
Tetherby: "You did...when you had a limo! Now if you'll excuse me, I have about 800 Lincoln balloons to pop." [pops one and leaves to pop the remaining 799]
[His butlers come to the door and kick Lincoln off his property as Lincoln goes flying screaming and lands in another trash can. The local news van stops]
News Anchor: "I'm here with the former limo rider. Tell us; how did a man who rose so high sink so low?"
Lincoln: "Well, I started to think that I was better than everybody and acted like a real jerk. But the truth is...I'm just a kid who ate a bunch of mustard."
News Anchor: [peels a Burpin' Burger napkin off Lincoln's head] "Looks more like ketchup to this reporter." [laughs]
Lincoln; [realizing with awe] "Burpin' Burger? That's it! I know how to fix everything! Can I get a ride?"
News Anchor: "In the news van? It just isn't done."
[The news van takes off without Lincoln. He falls over in the trash can and the dogs come back for another round.]
Lincoln: "Oh, come on! You guys like ketchup, too?"
[They chase Lincoln yet again]


[The next day, at the Loud House, the mustard limo's horn sounds and the girls look out the window only to see who it is]
Lola: "Oh, it's Lincoln and his fancy mustard limo."
Lynn: "I thought he only had it for a day! We gotta put up with more of his attitude?"
Lincoln: "The limo's not for me." [his sisters look surprised] "It's for you. I'm sorry about the way I acted yesterday. I never should have broken my promise to take you guys to the Burpin' Burger."
Lana: [starts singing the jingle] "Hungry, y'all? Look no fur-"
Lisa: [shuts her up] "Quiet! He's groveling." [to Lincoln] "Proceed!"
Lincoln: "Right. So, I called Kirby and apologized. He's agreed to give us one more ride." [high fives Kirby] "Now, I know you're probably so mad at me that you don't even want-"
[The girls cheerfully rush into the limo and trample Kirby and Lincoln]
Lincoln: "I guess they forgive me."
[The limo goes to Burpin' Burger and takes the drive-thru]
Employee: [On audio box] "Welcome to Burpin' Burger. May I take your order?"
Luna: "Eleven burgers and fries, love."
Lincoln: "Don't forget one for Kirby."
Kirby: "Thank you, sir. I mean, Lincoln."


Lincoln: [to the viewers while holding a burger] "The only thing better than being a man in a limo is being a family in a limo."
[Everyone is enjoying their burgers when Tetherby's limo drives up to Lincoln's]
Tetherby: "I say, Loud, it's good to see you back in a limo. What say you ditch the riffraff and come back to the club?"
[Tetherby's invitation surprises Lincoln as he darts his eyes at his sisters and Kirby who are afraid he'll leave them.]
Lincoln: "You know what, Tetherby? How about some... [he and his sisters squirt Tetherby and his limo with mustard] ...mustard to go with that baloney!"
[And with that, they drive off, singing the Burpin' Burger jingle]
Lincoln: "Hungry, y'all? Look no further!"
Loud Kids: "Come on down to Burpin' Burger / Grade B Beef and special spice / When it comes back up, it's twice as nice!" [burp on cue]

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