Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, don't let the picture fool you! It's not all sugar and spice. Don't believe me? Welcome to...the Loud House.
Surviving in a big family can be challenging. Even the little things. Like getting a turn in the bathroom. Which is why I give you...'Lincoln Loud's Three P's to go Poo and Pee'. You're gonna need Patience, Perseverance, and most importantly, Problem Solving. With these three steps, you'll get into the bathroom every time. Which is important. Especially if you wait until the very last second to go! Into the breach!
Could clear a room! Time to put the third P: Problem Solving into action.
Like I said, surviving in a big family can be challenge. But it's not impossible. Now, if you'll excuse me...PRESSING ENGAGEMENT!
Ah, nothing like a little manga-reading before dinner.
In a family this big, getting seconds is rare. Especially when it comes to pizza. With twelve slices and eleven kids, there's always one slice left. Who gets the last slice? Well, that's always the problem. Let me tell you about..."Lincoln Loud's ABCs to Getting the Last Slice". First, "A"; we argue.
Arguing never works. So if we can't decide who gets the last slice, it brings us to "B"; we must... BATTLE!
All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing. But tonight, I have a plan.
For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us to watch it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister Lori. It gets awkward.
Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan.
[after Clyde fails to help due to his crush on Lori] I told you it gets awkward.
You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us.
The Loud Family trophy case. My sisters have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer trophies, Lola's pageant crowns, Lisa's Junior Nobel Prize! Even Lily's won her thumb sucking contests! And then there's me. [sighs] I've tried everything to get into this trophy case. But now, I finally have my chance! The 5th Grade Video Contest. Whoever's video gets the most votes wins this beauty.
My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.
Ah, road trips. That beloved tradition for families everywhere. Tomorrow, the Loud family's going on a trip of our own. Sounds fun, right? Not with 13 of us packed into the family wagon. Or as we affectionately call it: 'Vanzilla'. Every seat in Vanzilla offers one kind of torture or another. Getting stuck next to Lily's car seat is no good. The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west. And this seat has the exact opposite problem: It's right in Dad's sight line. Plus, it's next to the one-working speaker. And the rest of the seats only get worse. There's the sticky, the soggy, the springy, and the slanty. From my calculations, that leaves just one seat safe from it all. I call it 'The Sweet Spot.' And tomorrow, it will be mine, 'cause I'm gonna stake it out tonight.
There's my cue. Everyone's asleep. It's go time.
I'm sorry you had to see that. Having the wrong sister next to me could totally wreck the sweet spot. Okay, it definitely can't be Luan. And it can't be Lola. And it can't be Lynn. I got it! Leni! The motion of the car always puts her in a daze, and she'll leave me alone.
Ah, so many ways to ruin the Sweet Spot! All right, who can I have behind me? Definitely not Lana. Definitely not Lori. She spends the whole ride texting with Bobby. Which means...
I got it! Lisa! True, she won't shut up about all the dangers of car travel... but the beauty of the Sweet Spot is that it has one working window. The wind of the road will drown her out.
That window better work.
I'm sorry you had to see that. Well, Operation: Sweet Spot went sour. I guess I should have known that in a family this big, you just can't control every little thing. That said, there's a Sweet Spot in the living room too. It's at the end of the couch; close to the bathroom with a great view of the TV. And it's going to be mine!
Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, so does my teacher. Our class assignment is to do a report on our families. With ten sisters, I can sum up mine in one word: CHAOS! It took 3 weeks, 4 boxes of pasta, 2 tubes of glue, and 27 popsicle sticks, but the centerpiece of my project is finally finished. Pretty accurate representation of the Loud Family, I'd say. But making this thing was the easy part. The real challenge is getting it to school on time and in one piece to give my report. Sounds easy, right? Not in my house. If you want to get all ten of your sisters out the door on time, you have to get up pretty early, and you have to have a plan.
The ten-headed beast has awoken. Wish me luck.
Phase one of Operation Get Ready For School and Into the Car on Time is complete. Now comes phase two: breakfast.
Cooking is usually Dad's territory, but I gave him the day off 'cause I have to kick things into high gear.
Like I said, if you want to get all your sisters out the door on time, you have to have a plan.
Space...the final frontier. As you might imagine, with ten sisters, space is limited. Everywhere you go, you gotta deal with the crowds.
But being the only boy in the family comes with a perk...You hear that? Me neither. While my sisters all have to share bedrooms, I get my own. Sure it's just a converted linen closet, but it's my own space. My own little oasis in the sands of the Loud House. And I wouldn't give it up for the world.
Another perk to having my own room? I don't have to get involved.
Space...the final frontier. Sure, I'm lucky enough to have a room to call my own, but in the Loud House, we all know when we need to share. But just for one night! Buenos noches!
The key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents is simple: know your audience. And since my folks love what I bring to the table, I make them the same thing every year: this awesome coffee mug!
Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow. What am I gonna do?
Look at us. We're like a vision of insanity. I can't give this to Mom and Dad." [holds up the coffee mug] "That's worse than Aunt Shirley. Argh! I mean, my coffee mug! I gotta give them a better picture." [gets an idea] "The perfect picture! Time for a do-over.
You'd think that with all these sisters, there'd be just one that likes the same things I like. But sadly, that's not the case. Even you, Lily. Sure you're hanging out with me now, but someday you're gonna be into your own things and we'll have nothing in common. Unless...
Tonight is a historic night for me. I GET TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER!! Now, I know what you're thinking. Lincoln, what's the big deal? Let me explain. See, sleepovers in the Loud house have not always gone so well.
Thanks to my sisters, sleepovers were banned in the loud house. So when I wanted to have one, it took some hard selling.
Luckily, Dad is a real sucker for cat videos. Now that they've said yes, I'm gonna make sure this is the best sleepover ever. I've got the juice boxes chilling, the couch pillows ready to be turned into a fort, the snacks stacked, and the itinerary totally mapped out. Every second of the night is planned for maximum sleepover enjoyment. All that's missing now? My guest.
This is it! Time to make history.
I did not get mauled by three cats just to have this sleepover go to waste. [gets an idea] Maybe it doesn't have to.
Okay, so maybe not everyone can handle the Loud House. But I think I finally found the perfect candidate. He lives in between a freeway and a circus.
Huh. Now that surprises me. Isn't there anyone who can handle this house?
[notices all of Clyde's stuff on the floor] Clyde! Of course! He doesn't just handle it, he likes it!
[busts out his walkie talkie] Little Bo Sleep, this is Slumberjack. Do you read? [only picks up static] Wow. He must be really mad. Was I that big of a jerk?
In a big family, hand-me-downs are a fact of life. Here, let me take you through a few of...Lincoln Loud's Hand-Me-Down Greatest Hits.There was Leni's sparkly shirt...and then there was Colonel Crackers, Luan's ventriloquist dummy...Luna's electric guitar....and Lynn's, um...
Thanks to my sisters, I've got a whole new view of hand-me-downs. It's not about what you get. It's all about what you do with it.
I'm Ace Savvy, the world's savviest crime fighter. A man of few words, and even fewer emotions. Except for today. Because today is the day of the big Ace Savvy comic book convention! YEAH! And now to call my trusty sidekick.
Harsh, right? But you know what? It doesn't even bother me. With 10 opinionated sisters, you gotta have a thick skin.
What can I do? In a family this big, our eco-footprint is a size 18 triple wide. We use a lot of electricity...fossil fuels..water...aerosols...non-biodegradables...and did I mention electricity? We gotta reduce our eco-footprint. Hopefully, I can get my sisters on board.
Or not. Time to pull out the big guns.
Well, I saved the polar bear, and I'm not an outcast. Though, technically speaking...my social life is out the window.
Clyde and I are going to see SMOOCH tonight, and not to make a big deal of it, but it's our first concert!
Boy, did my sisters have it wrong about Luna. She's not nuts at all. She's just really passionate about the things she loves. And in the words of my favorite band, sometimes you gotta... ♫...grab life by the lips, and give it a smooch! ♫
You might be wondering why I'm helping Lola practice for a beauty contest. Well, tomorrow is the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant, and the winner gets the greatest prize ever: two season passers to Dairyland A-Moo-sement Park! That's one for Lola and one for coach. I've been working my butt off all week to make sure she wins. Its been a long, hard road. But once we get to Dairyland, it'll all be worth it!
Well, I've learned two very valuable lessons. One: You should never try to turn someone into something they're not. And two: If you ever ride the Milk Shaker, keep your mouth closed.
Ah, Sunday mornings. My homework's done, my chores are complete, and I'm looking forward to a whole day of freedom!
Aunt Ruth's? Today? NOOOOOO!!! Visits to Mom's aunt are torture! She makes us look at a million pictures of her cats. She feeds us gross food. And she always singles me out to do special chores. The only Louds who get to skip out on Aunt Ruth's are Lily and Dad. Aunt Ruth doesn't trust Lily around her cats. So Dad stays home and babysits her. Lucky. Wait. Maybe I could be lucky, too!
Phew. What a day! That did not go as I expected. But you know what? I still win, 'cause I got out of going to Aunt Ruth's. Strategy!
In a family as big as mine, getting attention from your parents is no easy thing.
I gotta say, getting some undivided attention is pretty sweet. And now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta give some undivided attention to my hammies.
Wow. Maybe I had it wrong. My sisters aren't trying to hog Clyde's dads. They just want a little attention, too. And you know what? I'm gonna let them have it. [takes his volcano and grabs a dinner dish] But not this leftover meat. That's coming with me. [takes it and leaves]
Not everyone can handle 11 kids like Mom and Dad can.
I guess I really underestimated my parents. Even if it takes a while, they eventually find time for all of us, everyday. No wonder Dad has a wicked canker.
This may be the coolest day of my life! You're looking at the grand prize winner of the Seed's Mustard "Win a Limo for a Day" contest. I had to eat my weight in mustard. But I finally found the winning jar.
The only thing better than being a man in a limo is being a family in a limo.
Clyde and I have a week to start a successful business for class, so we're gonna sell homemade chocolate pie.
How hard can it be to start a business? Pretty hard, actually. The key is to find something you're really good at, and it turns out for me that thing is... [gets hit with a pie] Taking a pie in the face.
Yikes! Is spending all my time around girls turning me into one? Nah, I'm sure It'll turn out fine.
I thought spending so much time around my sisters was a problem when, actually, it's just the opposite. If it wasn't for them, I'd probably be moose meal by now. And now that I don't have to worry about what's manly or girly or any of that junk, I can go back to enjoying this.
You may be wondering what the heck is going on here. I'll show ya. [opens the front door and steps outside] See that? Snow, beautiful snow. And if it keeps coming down, we can be in for a snow day tomorrow. So tonight, we will do anything in our power to make it happen.
Lisa: Well, Houston, mission accomplished. My master plan was a major success. I'm pretty sure my siblings won't be wanting anymore snow days. And now that I've repurposed my snow tank to a salt-spraying, snow-melting de-icer, it's time for some real F-U-N, spelled correctly, I might add.
It's the day before Christmas! And there's no better time to be in the Loud House.
Excuse me. This might take a while.
Yup. Everyone around here is full of Christmas cheer.
Well, everyone except for our crabby old neighbor, Mr. Grouse. He really lives up to his name.
Well, I'm not gonna let Mr. Grouse take away my Christmas cheer. I've got a week off school, ten inches of fresh snow, and this guy! [referring to a snow sled] The Fearsome Flyer 8000! Or as I affectionately call him, "Big Red". We've been waiting all winter for the perfect sledding conditions. So if you'll excuse us...[runs off shouting but suddenly gets caught in a net]
This is a disaster! When stuff goes into Mr. Grouse's yard, it never comes back.
Well, another Christmas has come and gone. But this year, I got the best present ever: a new friend. I think from now on, things are gonna be pretty different around here.
Maybe not that different.
Luan: "Well, I guess that about wraps things up! YES! I DID IT!" [presses her remote and the counter finally reads 12] "That's twelve! Merry Christmas!"
I know what you're thinking. "Lincoln, why are you trying to get out of your sisters' activities?" Well, you don't know my life. With ten sisters, my calendar's booked everyday with stuff. I'm supposed to go to rodeos, pageants, open mic nights...once and a while, a guy just need some time to himself.
I think I may be onto something here.
I guess I brought this on myself.
Ugh! Lynn and her superstitions! As long as she thinks I'm bad luck, I'm doomed. I have to find a way to prove her wrong.
So sorry to miss it all!
My plan is simple: I watch the game in disguise, and when the Squirrels win, everyone will see I'm not bad luck.
Well, my family doesn't think I'm bad luck anymore. In fact, now they think I'm good luck.
I know this looks a little weird, but I'm doing it for a reason. Today's the first day of spring break, and to ensure we make the most of it, Clyde and I came up with this!
I meant, we came up with this! [holds out a very long list] "Clincoln McLoud's Totally Awesome and Rad Spring Break Bucket List (Patent Pending)". It's a totally awesome and rad list of all the rad and awesome things Clyde and I wanna do over the nine days of spring break. [rolls up list and puts it away] We've been working on this baby since Christmas break ended, and that's why I'm stretching. With so many activities to get through, we can't afford to cramp up.
Yeah, so this never happens. Dad cooks all our dinners, and he's not a bad cook, but his repertoire is kind of limited. [Lincoln enters his room and pulls down a calendar. As he lists off the dishes mentioned, said dish appears on the calendar and head to their respective date] You've got Salisbury Steak Sundays, Meatball Mondays, Turkey Loaf Tuesdays, Wienerschnitzel Wednesdays, Goulash Thursdays, Fish Fry Fridays, and Succotash Saturdays. [the seven mentioned dishes then cover every week on the calendar] Then it all repeats, week, after week, after week. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go choke down some... (Lynn Sr.: Wienerschnitzel)
Wow. What a night. Maybe next week we can get Dad to order Chinese.
Ronnie Anne: Well, things are definitely gonna be different for me. My whole family just quadrupled in size. My backyard is now a fire escape, and I definitely need a lock for that bathroom door. It's gonna be quite an adventure, but I'm up for it. Huh. Lincoln was right. It does help talking to you guys.
Speaking of the best Halloween ever, Clyde and I have some pretty big plans, too.
For years, there have been rumors of a neighborhood, where people hand out full sized candy bars, instead of tiny bite sized ones. [he rubs his hands together] Clyde and I were determined to find this mythological place, so we did some research. [pulls down a map of the town] By studying satellite photos... [pulls down a line graph reading "Median Income Levels", a line going up with a green balloon with a dollar sign] ...analyzing median income levels, and tracking candy buyers through out Southeastern Michigan... [close up of a gps/radar device showing the area, a red dot centered at the tip, then cut to him and Clyde in the bush] We found it!
I can't focus at all today. Last night, Dad made his famous Mac 'n Cheese Bites for dinner. And in order to make all that cheesy goodness last, I saved three bites for after school. But if I'm gonna get through this day without losing my mind, I'm just gonna have to stop thinking about them.