The following is a transcript for the episode "Cover Girls".
[Lincoln and Clyde are watching ARGGH! In the program, lightning strikes and Hunter Spector bursts through the door of a house. Lightning strikes again as Hunter walks through the house. A ghost laughs and a door slams.]
Hunter: "Whew! A ghost just ran into the bathroom! Tune in tomorrow when I flush him out!"
[Static appears on the screen, then the word "ARGGH!" is yelled.]
ARGGH! Tomorrow at 8PM
Lincoln: "That.. was.. AWESOME! I'm so not gonna be able to sleep tonight!"
Clyde: "Or go to the bathroom."
[A clock rings]
Lincoln: [panicked] "Oh no! I've missed curfew! If my parents find out I'm not home, they'll-"
Clyde: "They'll blame me, and they won't let us be friends anymore! I'll be banned from your house!" [walks to the window, forlorn] "I never got to say goodbye to Lori. I need you to tell her some things. Number 1, she made me a better man."
[Lincoln slams the door and runs back to his house.]
Lincoln: [on his phone] "Lori, I've lost track of time!"
Lori: "Don't worry, we've got your back. Okay people, Operation Cover For Brother is a go!"
Lynn: "Man your stations!"
[The Loud sisters run. Lori and Leni set a trampoline outside the house, and Lisa gives a thumbs up. Luan and Lynn put pillows on the floor of Lincoln's room. The twins are watching their parents who are washing the dishes.]
Rita: "I told Lincoln I'd help him with his math homework."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh. I'll be your plus one." [laughs] "You get it?"
Rita: "Oh yeah."
[The twins pretend to fight.]
Lola: "IT'S MINE!"
Lana: "HEY, I HAD IT FIRST!"
Lola: "YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE YARN!""
Lynn Sr.: "GIRLS!" [the fight carries their parents out of the kitchen.] "This is so wrong!"
[Lincoln is still hurrying back home.]
Clyde: [on the walkie-talkie] "Number 2, tell Lori I remember every dress she ever wore."
[The parents have finished the fake fight.]
Rita: "No more fighting!"
[Their parents leave the kitchen.]
Lana: [acting and shouting] "OKAY, MOM AND DAD! I GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO HELP LINCOLN WITH HIS HOMEWORK THEN!"
[Lincoln makes it home.]
Luna: [with her acoustic guitar to her parents] "Hey, lads, know what I'm Jonesin' for? A family sing-along! One, two, three!"
[She plays her tune as Lincoln has a helmet on and a trampoline set up.]
Lisa: [from his bedroom window] "Approach at a 63 degree angle!"
[Lincoln agrees and jumps but hits a wall and his body shape is in the wall. He peels off the wall with a thud and Luan covers it with a poster.]
Lisa: "Correction, 62 degrees."
'[Lincoln gives a thumbs up while in pain. Lori and Leni block the entrance to the hallway via the staircase with feigning grins on their faces.]
Leni: [sweetly] "Hi, parentals. We were just wondering how you two met."
Rita: "Really? Your father has told that story a thousand times."
Lynn Sr.: "Now, now, honey. If they insist."
[Lincoln makes his second attempt on the trampoline. Lori, Leni, Luna, Lucy, and the twins are getting tired of hearing the story of how their parents met.]
Lynn Sr.: "...and then your mother walked by in an outfit that could stop traffic."
Rita: [dully] "It was my uniform. I was a crossing guard."
[Another thud comes from Lincoln's room. His parents go to check, making his sisters gulp nervously. He made it this time, but his parents about to enter.]
Rita: "Linc? Are you okay? We're coming in."
[Lily spits out her pacifier and starts to cry to distract them.]
Rita: [unaware] "Oh, sweetie, what's the matter?"
[While they're not looking, Luan, Lynn, and Lisa grab the pillows and bolt out of the room. Lincoln takes out his homework and pretends to have studied all night.]
Lincoln: [feigning] "Thus, the trains will pass each other at precisely 4:00 PM. Homework done."
Rita: "Looks like you don't need our help."
[Lincoln gives a thumbs up and his parents leave.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "One of the great things about having a big family is someone's always got your back. I know I can count on my sisters to save my butt, and they can count on me."
[outside his room]
Lynn Sr.: [suspicious] "Was he wearing a helmet?"
[Lincoln hears this and takes the helmet off and puts it over Bun-Bun, leaving his parents none the wiser when they check again, letting him sigh with relief.]
[The next day]
Rita: "KIDS, COME ON DOWN! I HOPE YOU DIDN'T FORGET WHAT TODAY IS!"
[The kids groggily come into the kitchen but stop to see a bunch of cleaning supplies, meaning one thing...]
Rita: "That's right; our annual Spring Cleaning Day! Who's excited?"
[The kids all grumble and take the supplies to get it over with.]
Rita: "That's the spirit."
[Lincoln is about to clean his room, but Lynn pops up in front of his door.]
Lynn: "Hey, can you cover for me today? The batting cages got a new pitching machine, and if I don't hit the first ball, I'll have bad luck all season."
Lincoln: "I get that. Sure."
Lynn: [gives him her supplies] "Ah, thanks. I'll do my cleaning when I get back." [heads off]
Lori: "Lincoln, can you cover for me?" [holds up Lily] "I'm bringing Lily on a picnic with Bobby to see how he handles babies." [dreamily] "You know, for the future."
Lincoln: [confused] "Uh...I don't get that, but...sure."
[Lori stealthily sneaks out of the house with Lily and heads to the picnic.]
Rita: [from downstairs] "Lori! Can you check on Lily?"
[Lincoln looks worried]
Lincoln: [imitating Lori] "I'm literally already on it!" [goes into Lisa and Lily's room] "Uh-oh! Who made a stinky surprise for her big sister?" [imitating Lily] "Poo-poo! Poo-poo!"
Leni: [oblivious] "Lori, you changed your hair! And Lily's invisible now? Nobody tells me anything!"
Lincoln: [facepalms at Leni's obliviousness] "No, Leni, it's me, Lincoln. I'm covering for Lori and Lily."
Leni: "Oh. Then you won't mind covering for me while I hit the Spring sale at the mall."
Lincoln: [sternly] "Fine. But four sisters is my limit."
Leni: [understanding] "Of course. No more sisters. Oh! One thing: I'm covering for six sisters, so I guess now you are, too."
Lincoln: [shocked] "What?!"
Leni: "Don't worry. I wrote down where everyone's going." [shows him a list]
Lincoln: "One floral crop top. $12.99?" [turns it around] "Oh." [examines] "Lucy's at a poetry reading, Lisa's giving a lecture, Lana's checking out the first mud of Spring...Leni, how am I supposed to-"
Leni: "Thanks, Linky! Bye!" [waves and leaves]
Rita: [coming upstairs] "Lucy? Lynn? How's the cleaning coming?"
Lincoln: [determined] "This calls for...the Trunk!" [opens up his trunk and takes out some items; now wearing a wig like Lucy's hair and imitating her melancholy demeanor.] "I scrub and scrub, yet the stain of human suffering remains."
Rita: [uneasy] "Okay."
[Now Lincoln looks like Lynn.]
Lincoln: [imitating Lynn] "Not me, Mom! I'm knocking these dust balls out of the park!"
Rita: [carrying a bunch of towels] "Good to hear." [Lincoln sighs with relief.] "Leni, how's your spring cleaning coming?"
Lincoln: [lunges into Lori and Leni's doorway; imitating Leni.] "Good! As soon as I find those springs, I'll clean them!"
[Rita laughs and heads downstairs.]
Lynn Sr.: "I HEAR A LOTTA TALKIN', BUT NOT A LOTTA CLEANIN'!"
[Lincoln runs to Lisa and Lily's room and turns on the vacuum and clacks some beakers together to indicate cleaning actions. He then runs to Luan and Luna's room and turns on a remote powered vacuum.]
Lynn Sr.: "Ah, that's what I like to hear!"
[Lincoln is beat and takes a break from his cleaning, content that he pulled all that covering off.]
Lincoln: [victorious] "And they said it couldn't be done."
Rita: [downstairs] "Time for a break, kids! Pop-Pop's on video chat! He wants to say hi to all of you!"
[This news worries Lincoln as he goes downstairs to the computer where Pop-Pop is on screen.]
Pop-Pop: "Well, if it isn't my lookalike. Still got snow on the roof, eh?"
Lincoln: [laughs nervously] "Sure do, Pop-Pop. We're all doing our spring cleaning, so the sisters nominated me to say hello."
Pop-Pop: "I tell ya, Spring always puts me in the mood for a song. Why don't you bring Luna down?"
[Lincoln looks panicky, runs to his room, and texts his sisters for help.]
Lincoln: [texting] "S.O.S Come Home Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [sends it]
[Cut to a nine-square shot of all the girls at their outings: Lori and Lily are at Bobby's picnic, Leni's at the mall, Luna's jamming in the garage, Luan's performing at a birthday party as a clown, Lynn's at the batting cages hitting sluggers, Lucy's at her poetry reading reciting a new poem, Lola's at a beauty pageant, Lana's at a mud puddle, and Lisa's giving her lecture. They all get Lincoln's text and hurry home.]
Lincoln: [imitating Luna complete with costume and guitar; singing.] "♫How I wonder what you are!♫" [speaking] "Stage dive!" [dives off the chair and thuds.]
Pop-Pop: "Bravo! Tough act to follow. But I'd love to see some comedy from Luan."
[Lincoln gets up and gives a thumbs up to that, now switching over to a Luan costume.]
Lincoln: [in Luan's tone] "What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!" [laughs] "Get it?"
Pop-Pop: [laughs] "Hilarious! Now go get those twins!"
[Lincoln wonders how he's gonna pull that off. He is shown dressed as Lola.]
Lincoln: [in Lola's voice] "I wanna talk to Pop-Pop first!" [quickly switches over to Lana and in her voice.] "No, me first!"
[It is revealed that he had one side of his body look like Lola and the other look like Lana and talked on the respective sides.]
Pop-Pop: "Girls, girls, there's plenty of Pop-Pop for everyone."
[Lana and Luna return quietly and notice Lincoln's predicament and laugh.]
Lincoln: "You can make fun of me later. Right now, I've got Pop-Pop on video chat and he wants to see all of us."
Lana: "I'll go say hi right now."
Lincoln: "Hello! I already was you." [to Luna] "And I was you, too. I need a Lynn and a Leni, stat!"
[They head upstairs to change and Lana is now dressed as Leni with her gap filled with marshmallows.]
Lana: [imitating Leni] "...And I got a new outfit for half off, which was weird because none of it was missing. Duh!"
[The real Lynn and Leni have returned and Lincoln is rummaging through his trunk.]
Lincoln: "Pop-Pop wants to talk to Lisa."
Lynn: "Lisa's not home yet."
Lincoln: [gives her a Lisa costume.] "She is now! Go!"
Lynn: [in the Lisa costume and imitating her.] "...But I knew I was missing one key component and that was sodium..." [starts losing it] "...uh...sofa-cushion!"
[The others have returned home and are now rummaging through the trunk for costumes and start putting them on. Lucy puts on a Lola wig and tiara. Lola puts on a spiked cleat like Luna's.]
Pop-Pop "Have I seen Lori yet?"
[Luna puts on war paint and a Lynn wig. Lincoln puts two marshmallows in Lana's gap.]
Pop-Pop: "Bring me the, uh, the funny one again."
[One of them ties a gag flower on a Luan costume they're putting on. Lucy scribbles her front teeth with a marker to make it look like she's missing them. Leni splatters mud on her face. Pop-Pop is dozing off and quickly wakes up.]
Pop-Pop: "Uh, I forgot to tell Lily something."
[Lori dots her cheeks with makeup to look like she has freckles. One of them puts on bat wings for dressing like Lucy. Lincoln slips a diaper on.]
Pop-Pop: "No, it was Leni. Or was it Lisa?"
[Just then, Lisa comes out of Lincoln's room wearing a Lucy wig and Lana clothes.]
Lincoln: [discombobulated] "Who are you supposed to be?"
Lisa: [notices her wardrobe malfunction] "Uh...Lan...cy?"
[Leni comes out of the room in her normal outfit and Luan runs upstairs in a Leni costume. The two of them suddenly come to a screeching halt and notice this. They perform some gestures to see if they're hallucinating, perfectly matching the actions like a mirror. They also perform the Macarena together. Lori is now dressed like Lincoln.]
Lori: [imitating Lincoln] "So, Ace Savvy was like, HOO! HA! HUH!" [throws punches to show Ace's actions.] "And then One-Eyed Jack was all, HOO! HO! HA!" [throws more punches and one eye closed for One-Eyed Jack's actions.]
[Lola is now dressed as Lucy.]
Lola: [imitating Lucy] "Pop-Pop. White hair. New hip. Traction shoes. Never slip. Pop-Pop." [screeches like a dragon]
[Now Lucy is dressed like Lori.]
Lucy: [imitating Lori] "OMG, Pop-Pop, Bobby looked so cute, I literally forgot we were all hurdling toward imminent oblivion."
[Lincoln is now dressed as Lily and pretending to toddle and cry and make a stinky diaper.]
Lincoln: [imitating Lily] "Poo-poo!"
[The gang is together.]
Lincoln: "I think that's it! We're done!"
Lori: "Uh, nope. Pop-Pop wants to say bye to all of us. Together. Now!"
[the others quickly rummage through the trunk and the results are Lincoln as Lily, Lily as Lori, Lisa as Luan, Lana as Leni, Lola as Luna, Lucy as Lola, Lynn as Lisa, Luan as Lucy, Luna as Lynn, Leni as Lana, and Lori as Lincoln.]
Pop-Pop: "Well, you kids really made my day. Talk to ya soon."
[From Pop-Pop's point of view, everything looks all blurry.]
Loud Kids: "BYE, POP-POP!"
[The video chat is now over.]
Pop-Pop: "Oh, boy, that was great. Next time I must use my glasses."
Loud Kids: [in the clear and exhausted] "Phew." [start cheering]
Lincoln: "Guys, we did it! We actually-"
Lynn Sr.: "Ahem!"
[The kids' celebration is cut short because their parents witnessed the whole thing.]
Lynn Sr.: "You wanna tell us what's goin' on here?"
Kids: [nervous] "Nothing!"
Lynn Sr.: "Nice try. You're all busted!"
Lori: "Mom, Dad, the truth is, we all had things we really wanted to do today, and so, we were covering for each other."
Luna: "But just for a little while."
Leni: "And we were totally going to do our Spring cleaning. Pinky swear." [gives a thumbs up instead] "Wait a minute." [holds her pinky out] "Okay, there it is."
Lincoln: "I know this looks bad, but on the bright side, isn't it great how we all look out for each other?"
Rita: "Yes, that is great, but deceiving people is not. So, here's what we're gonna do." [The kids look horrified as to what their punishment is gonna be.] "Spring cleaning will be moved to tomorrow so you can all do those things that were so important today." [The kids cheer in gratitude] "There's just one catch. You all have to wear what you're wearing right now."
[The kids are mortified at this punishment.]
[Lisa resumes her lecture while dressed like Luan.]
Lisa: "So, if you look at the coefficient on line five-"
[A bouquet pops out of her teaching stick and her gag flower squirts water on one of the spectators, making her groan. Lynn is at the batting cages but swings and misses when she spins out of control due to having to wear Lisa's glasses. Lucy returns to her poetry reading but is booed off for dressing like Lola. Luan is back at the birthday party and bursts out in her Lucy costume which summons a flock of bats which scares the kids, leaving her downtrodden at this result. The beauty pageant contestants are frightened of Lola in her Luna costume. Luna tries jamming in her Lynn costume but breaks all of her strings due to the baseball mitt she's wearing and thuds. Lana is getting ready to dive into the mud in her Leni costume.]
Dirty girl: "Uh-uh! No girly girls allowed!"
Lana: "But, guys, it's me, Lana."
[Leni returns to the mall in her Lana costume, but the mall cop captain stops her for tracking mud.]
Leni: "But guys, it's me, Leni!"
Bobby: "Babe, I got you this. But now I'm afraid it might be a choking hazard."
[He's really offering it to Lily in her Lori costume. She throws up which nauseates him and makes him run off to throw up. The real Lori in her Lincoln costume sighs in exasperation. Back to Lincoln still dressed like Lily.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Well, I guess we all got what we deserved. But honestly, I got off easy. I'm just hanging out at home, watching ARGGH! with Clyde." [invites Clyde in]
Clyde: [noticing his friend's outfit] "Uh...hey, buddy. I thought this episode was gonna be so awesome, why not invite our whole class?" [presents the rest of the class who laugh at and photograph Lincoln's humiliating outfit.]
Lincoln: [blushing with embarrassment] "Oh, poo-poo."
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