The following is a transcript for the episode "Cheater by the Dozen".
[Over at Clyde's house, he and Lincoln are playing a fighting game starring Muscle Fish who is fighting his enemy Scuba Squid. Suddenly, Clyde pauses the game.]
Clyde: "Time for the 20/20 rule. For every 20 minutes looking at a screen, you should look away for 20 seconds."
Lincoln: "Is that really a thing?"
Clyde: "Of course. These peepers gotta last us a lifetime." [turns around and positions Lincoln's face to do the same.] "Oh, hey, look. There's Bobby."
[Bobby is cycling to the house across the street.]
Lincoln: "What's he doing around here?"
[Bobby meets up with a girl at the door and they hug. She invites him in.]
Clyde: "I'll tell you what he's doing. He's cheating on Lori! I knew it. Underneath that flawless hair and those washboard abs beats the cold heart of a liar." [rolls up his sleeves, growls and proceeds to go beat Bobby up.]
Lincoln: [holding his friend back] "Slow down there, Hercules. Why don't we wait until he comes out? Then we'll see what's really going on."
[Later, Bobby is leaving the girl's house.]
Teri: "See you tomorrow, Roberto!"
Bobby: "Ciao, bella!" [prepares to cycle until Lincoln and Clyde show up.]
Lincoln: [suspicious] "Hey, Bobby."
Bobby [nervously stops] "Uh, hey, guys."
Clyde: "Fancy seeing you here, miles away from your house. And Lori, your beautiful...loyal...girlfriend." [snarls at Bobby]
Lincoln: [holding Clyde back again] "So, what are you doing here?"
Bobby: "Uh, I can't really get into that. But do me a favor and please don't tell Lori you saw me here. It's complicated. Thanks. Ciao." [prepares to cycle off while knocking over some trash cans and chuckling nervously.]
Lincoln: "Clyde, you were right! There's only one thing to do now."
Clyde: "Get ripped, defeat Bobby in fisticuffs, and win back Lori's honor?"
Lincoln: [unimpressed] "Uh, no. I was thinking we tell Lori the truth."
Clyde: [doing push-ups] "To each his own, my friend."
[The Loud House. Lincoln is going to Lori to tell her what he found out and takes a deep breath.]
Lincoln: "Here goes nothing."
[But before he can knock...]
Lori: [from inside her room; talking to Bobby on her tablet.] "Oh, Boo-Boo Bear. I can't wait for our anniversary date this Friday."
Bobby: "I'm counting down the minutes."
Lori and Bobby: "4,320!" [gasp and laugh]
Lori: "Oh, we are so clearly soulmates. I literally don't know what I would do without you in my life."
[Lincoln has seen all this and frowns doubting himself about telling his oldest sister; he goes back to his room where Clyde calls him on his walkie-talkie.]
Clyde: "Come in, Heartbreaker! This is Dr. Rebound. Did you tell her yet?"
Lincoln: "Negative, Doc. It wasn't the right time."
Clyde: "There's never gonna be a "right time" to tell Lori Bobby's a lowdown, two-bit, snake-in-the-grass cheater."
[The other sisters barge in shocked from hearing what Clyde said.]
[Lincoln flinches and falls back.]
Lola: "Bobby's cheating on Lori?! Tell us everything!"
Lincoln: "You can't just burst in here and-" [Lynn angrily grabs him by his shirt, threatening to pummel him] "Okay, okay!"
[Segue to Lincoln finishing up the details.]
Lincoln: "And then he was all like, but don't tell Lori you saw me. It's complicated."
Lola: "That dirtbag!"
Lisa: "Now hang on. Although Lincoln's story does seem to indicate that Bobby is a cheating scoundrel, we don't have enough evidence yet."
Lola: "Lisa's right. We should plant some."
Lisa: "Incorrect. We need to gather some."
Lana: "Yeah. You can't drop a bomb on Lori without being 1 zillion% sure. She'll end you if you're wrong."
Lynn: "One time, I told her we were out of bread, but then she found a loaf and beat me with it."
Lincoln: "So, how do you propose we gather this evidence?"
Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa: "Stakeout!"
[Clyde's House. Lincoln is checking the house across the street for Bobby.]
Luan: "Oh. Has Cheater-Cheater-Pumpkin-Eater shown up yet?"
[Clyde is working with a punching bag to train for his "showdown" with Bobby. Leni enters with some salmon on a platter.]
Leni: "Since steak is kinda unhealthy, do you guys mind if we make this a salmon-out?"
[The others just look on puzzled. Enter Lisa.]
Lisa: "I rigged audio surveillance, but a vicious beast prevented me from installing visuals."
[Flashback to Lisa's encounter with said beast. Its shadow overlaps her.]
Lisa: [scared] "AAH! LARGE WILD ANIMAL!" [runs away]
[The beast turns out to have just been Nepurrtiti at the windowsill. End flashback with everyone except Luna looking at her with disappointment.]
Luna: [peaking] "Dudes! Here comes the Bob-sled!"
[The others gather around and see Bobby arriving at the house across the street. He looks around to see if anyone's watching him and they duck down before he sees them. He then enters the house with no one watching.]
Lisa: "Okay, stud muffin, let's just see what you're up to."
[She activates the radio and they all gather as romantic music starts playing.]
Teri: "Ti amo."
???: "Ti amo."
Lisa: "That's "I love you" in Italian! His cheating ways have crossed the language barrier."
[The girl and the boy who is likely to be Bobby kiss. Luna gasps and covers Lily's eyes. The sisters scream in panic and shut the curtain to avoid being detected.]
Lincoln: "I think we've seen enough."
Clyde: "Let's get him!"
[They all charge out of Clyde's house and stop and gasp to see that the boy in the house the girl was kissing was actually her boyfriend and they just mistook him for Bobby in his silhouette. They duck into the bush.]
Leni: [pops up] "Wow. Bobby's really put on some height."
Lisa: [pops up] "That's not Bobby."
Lincoln: "What's going on?"
[The girl and her boyfriend kiss and Bobby steps out of the house as they show their gratitude to him.]
Luna: "Dudes, it's simple. Bobby doesn't have a side-gal. He's just friends with that chick. And Daddy-Long-Legs is her boyfriend."
[The girls turn to Lincoln disappointed and frustrated.]
Lynn: "Nice going, Lincoln! Way to waste our time!"
Leni: "And our salmon!"
[Lincoln shyly smiles.]
[The next day at the mall's arcade, Lincoln and Clyde are playing on some of the machines until Clyde pauses them.]
Clyde: "Time for the 20/20 rule."
Lincoln: "Didn't that get us into trouble last time?"
[Clyde obeys the rule while Lincoln does not.]
Clyde: "Oh, hey, look. There's Bobby."
Lincoln: [looking] "Seriously?"
[He's over at Dress to Impress.]
Clyde: [using binoculars] "What's he doing in a dress shop?"
Lincoln: "Where'd you get binoculars?"
[A girl comes out a dressing room in a dress.]
Clyde: [gasps] "Now he's with a different girl?"
Lincoln: "Ha! I knew we were right!"
Clyde: [furious] "That does it!" [goes over to the gym to get pumped.]
Lincoln: "It's all so clear! Bobby is cheating! We just had the wrong girl."
[While Lincoln is talking, Clyde tries lifting a barbell only to end up struggling. It gets caught on his chest and he's grunting.]
Lincoln: [oblivious] "I know! I'm mad, too!" [still not noticing] "Good! Channel that anger." [finally takes notice] "Oh." [lifts the barbell off Clyde as he breathes heavily for air.]
[Dress to Impress. Bobby and the girl have just finished shopping.]
Dana: "We're still on for later, right?"
Bobby: "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
[They hug and leave. Lincoln and Clyde pop up from behind a clothes rack.]
Clyde: [mimicking] "Wouldn't miss it for the world. A cheater and a cheese ball."
Lincoln: "We have to tell my sisters."
Clyde: "But they're not gonna believe us after what happened last time. We need photographic evidence."
Lincoln: "Good point. Let's roll."
[Lincoln leaves, but before Clyde follows, he notices a customer looking for a dress.]
Clyde: [takes out a purple one] "How about this one? It'll bring out your eyes."
[The customer takes the dress and likes it and Clyde heads out.]
[As Bobby gets his bike, another girl comes up and waves to him, showing they obviously know each other. Lincoln and Clyde shoot periscopes upward from the trash cans nearby.]
Lincoln: "Wait. Now who's this girl?"
Clyde: "I think we've stumbled onto something bigger than we expected: a multiple-cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater situation."
[Bobby puts his bike in the girl's trunk and gets in the car. The boys take photos of this before they drive off.]
Lincoln: "Come on! We have to follow them."
[They put on their helmets and bust out Clyde's dads' tandem bike.]
Clyde: "Lincoln, let me do the pedaling. I need to work out my thighs."
[He rings the bell and pedals off all the way up a hill to the point of fatigue. They arrive at a clear make-out point for teens and find the car of the girl Bobby took off with. They then hide in a shrub.]
Clyde: "This is a new low. I can't believe he'd take some random girl to Make-Out Hill."
Lincoln: [with the camera] "We got you know, Pumpkin Eater."
[Bobby and the girl are laughing and Lincoln gets a shot of it before they drive off.]
Lincoln: "Follow that car!"
[As they follow, the girl's car comes to a stop sign and Bobby gets his bike out of the trunk and they part ways while the boys spy from a mailbox and a cardboard box. Bobby then stops at another house.]
Lincoln: [with the binoculars] "Where's he going now?"
[Bobby knocks on the door and sees another woman at the door.]
Lincoln: "This is getting ridiculous!"
[The window Bobby can be seen in is covered up by the curtain.]
Clyde: "Dang it. Lost our visuals."
[Lincoln then turns his attention to the woman's dog coming out in the backyard and smiles with an idea. Cut to him getting along with the dog.]
Lincoln: [cooing] "Who's a good boy?"
Clyde: [irked] "Not Bobby."
[Lincoln puts a little surveillance camera on the dog's collar.]
Lincoln: "Now, scoot!"
[The dog enters the house and Lincoln checks the surveillance on his phone getting a clear shot from the collar camera.]
Lincoln: "And we're in."
Clyde: [woozy] "Ooh...shaky cam doesn't agree with me." [gags]
[The camera shows Bobby in the living room with the woman.]
Pam: "Why don't you slip out of those clothes, and we'll get started."
[Bobby starts to take off his clothes and the boys gasp at that.]
Clyde: [covering his eyes] "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH R-RATED MOVIES!"
[The dog gets all the way up to Bobby.]
Bobby: [to the dog] "Oh, yes, I love you, too!" [gets licked] "Aw, such a pretty girl." [kisses the dog]
Lincoln: "Disgusting! Now he's crossing species."
[The boys then follow Bobby to an alley where he goes down an obscure stairway.]
Lincoln: "What is this place?"
Clyde: "Probably some kind of underground club for cheaters."
[They go into the "club" and are hiding at a table behind menus.]
Lincoln: "I don't see Pumpkin Eater anywhere."
[Bobby comes in and starts dancing with a man with a lot of vigor and passion as if it was some kind of romantic dance.]
Lincoln: [having observed the dance] "Man, this guy is full of surprises!" [takes a picture before Bobby can even look.]
[They then follow Bobby to a jewelry store where he meets up with a familiar face.]
Lincoln: "That's the girl from the mall!" [sees them go in] "Come on!"
[They rush over to the display window and see him holding out a ring and kneeling down before her, which can only mean one thing.]
Clyde: "I can't believe it! He's popping the question!"
Lincoln: [takes the picture] "That's it! I'm calling this in, Clyde!" [calls his other sisters.]
[Lincoln is showing his other sisters photos he took of Bobby with the other girls and the dancer.]
Lincoln: "You believe me now?"
Luan: [downtrodden] "Sadly, yes."
Lisa: "And to think, poor delusional Lori is at home primping for their date tonight, unaware that their love is a total sham."
[The door is opening up and they gasp and duck as Bobby and the mall girl come out and Bobby makes a call.]
Bobby: "Is this Giovanni Chang's Italian Mandarin Bistro? I'd like to make a reservation for tonight. Your most romantic table. We're celebrating something very special."
[The others have overheard it.]
Lynn: "Ugh. He's taking her to dinner? He's supposed to be taking Lori!"
Lincoln: "Uh, not to mention he's getting married?"
Lucy: "We have to tell Lori before it's too late."
[They all rush back to the Loud House to warn Lori and enter her room but gasp to find that she's not there.]
Lynn: "It's too late! She must have already left!"
[Leni tries calling her while biting her nails but gets nothing.]
Leni: "And she's not answering her cell!"
Lincoln: "Well, if we can't get to Lori, at least we can get to Bobby."
Clyde: "I hope he likes eating pumpkin through a straw!"
[They all hurry to the bistro.]
[Giovanni Chang's Italian Chinese Bistro. The gang bursts through the door and looks for Bobby until they spot him.]
Lynn: "There he is!"
[They march right up to his table to confront him.]
Lincoln: "Well, well, well. If it isn't the Pumpkin Eater. Celebrating your engagement, Roberto?"
Bobby: [clearly baffled] "My engagement? What?"
Lola: "Oh, so you're not here with your fiancée? Then who did you bring?"
Luna: "The blonde? The guy? The dog?"
Clyde: "It's go-time, Romeo!" [gets on the table and tugs at Bobby's tie only to get flung off and crash into a dinner cart.]
Waiter: "Mama mia! The linguini dim sum!"
Lori: [right behind her siblings] "Uh, what is going on?"
Lori's siblings: "LORI?!"
Luan: "What are you doing here?"
Lori: "What are you doing here?"
Lincoln: "I'm sorry you have to find out this way. Bobby's been cheating on you."
Lori and Bobby: "What are you talking about?!"
Lincoln: "I'm talking about this!" [places the photos he took on the table.] "Care to explain?"
Bobby: "Sure." [points to a photo of the mall girl.] "That's my co-worker, Dana, from the department store. She was helping me pick out the dress and earrings I bought Lori."
[The siblings turn to see that Lori is wearing the exact same dress and earrings.]
Bobby: [holding the photo of him with the girl in the car.] "That's Monica, from my tour guide job. She was showing me the most romantic spots to take Lori to." [shows the photo of the woman with the dog.] "And that's Pam from my dry-cleaning job. She was fitting me for a tux." [comes across the photo of him with the dancing guy.] "Oh." [chuckles] "And that's Darin. I met him on the bus. He was teaching me how to dance." [shows a photo of the girl from the house across the street from Clyde's.] "And in case you were wondering, Clyde's neighbor is Teri, my co-worker at the pizzeria. She taught me how to order in Italian-Mandarin."
Clyde: "Oh, wow. So, I guess we were really wrong about the dog."
[Lori decides not to ask.]
Lincoln: "Sorry, you guys. We got a little ahead of ourselves."
Lori: [furious] "Well, you did almost ruin our anniversary! I oughta beat every one of you!"
[Upon hearing that, Lynn quickly hides the bread sticks under the table knowing what's gonna happen.]
Lori: [calmly grateful] "But, I appreciate all of you looking out for me."
Lincoln: "So, you're not mad?"
[Lori shakes her head. Lynn puts the bread sticks back and eats one.]
Giovanni: "Ahem! I hate to break up this lovefest, but how do you intend to pay for my linguini dim sum?"
[Later, Lori and Bobby are dancing together, and Lincoln and Clyde are working in the kitchen to work off the mess that was made.]
Giovanni: "Hurry up with those kung pao anchovies!"
Clyde: "Well, at least all that working out won't go to waste."
[He struggles to open a jar of anchovies and Lincoln takes it and opens it himself, showing Clyde was turning the lid the wrong way.]
Lincoln: [sympathizing] "You loosened it."
[The jar opens up and some stinky yucky anchovies appear.]
Lincoln and Clyde: [grossed out] "UGH!!!"
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