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Butterfly Effect/Script

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The following is a transcript for "Butterfly Effect".

Script

[The scene opens up on an exterior shot of the Loud House on a sunny day; Lincoln leaps out of his room to perform for the viewer]
LINCOLN: "Watch in awe, as The Amazing Lincoln displays his unbelievable yo-yo skills! I shall now "walk the dog"!"
[Charles enters the scene, carrying a leash in his mouth]
LINCOLN: "Not you, Charles. I meant the yo-yo."
[Charles wimpers, and he walks out of the scene; Lincoln does his "walk the dog" trick]
LINCOLN: "I shall now go "AROUND THE WORLD"!"
[Charles enters the scene, carrying a suitcase]
LINCOLN: "Sorry, still talking about the yo-yo."
[Charles whimpers, and he walks out of the scene; Lincoln attempts to do the "around the world" trick, but the yo-yo flies off his finger, ricochets around the hallway, and flies into Lisa and Lily's room, causing a crash]
LINCOLN: [nervous] "The Amazing Lincoln will now take a brief intermission."
[Lincoln and Charles look into the room, and they see that the bottles on Lisa's desk have been broken, with their contents spilled]
LINCOLN: "Yikes. I better go tell Lisa."
[flashes into Lincoln's imagination, where Lisa observes the damage in a dark, stylized environment]
LISA: [turning red with anger, with her teeth sharpened] "You've completely DESTROYED MY LIFE'S WORK! I DESPISE YOU, AND YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME!"
[a wall of fire burns in the background behind her, along with a cultist choir, as the scene flashes back to Lincoln]
LINCOLN: "Yeah, I'm not telling Lisa."
CHARLES: [wimpers]
LINCOLN: "Oh, come on, Charles. When did you get a conscience? I've seen you poop on the couch! Besides, if I just walks away, what's the worst that can happen?"
[Charles glances at the viewer; Lincoln takes the yo-yo from the damage]
LINCOLN: "I'll just remove the evidence, and they'll be none the wiser."
[Lincoln and Charles walk out of the room; a drop of one chemical falls into a puddle of another chemical, causing an explosion that raises the roof]


[transitions to Lisa, who is examining the damage on her desk]
LISA: "I don't understand what went wrong. Science is a fickle mistress."
[Lori is looking over a hole in the wall causes by the explosion, which leads to the closet in her's and Leni's room; Leni pokes her head through the hole]
LENI: "Hi, Lori! Have we always had a window in our closet?"
LORI: "Ugh, it's not a window. Lisa's experiment blew a hole in the wall." [notices a picture frame peeking out from the other side] "What's this?"
[Lori sees that the frame contains a signed photo of Bobby]
LORI: "'To my bodacious babe'? Leni, why is this picture Bobby hidden on your side of the closet?"
LENI: "Oh, there is it is! That was a surprise present from Bobby for your 88-day-iversary. He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it."
LORI: "That anniversary was eight days ago, and Bobby gave me socks! I can't believe this! You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back! You are no longer my sister!"
LINCOLN: [walks into the room] "Everything okay after that unexpected and totally random explosion that I know nothing about?"
[Lori shouts in anger, marches out of the room, and slams the door; a coat rack in the closet falls onto Leni, knocking her out; a shelf also tips over, causing several pairs of shoes to fall on her]


[Leni opens her eyes as she regains consciousness on Lisa's bed; Lincoln and Lisa are looking down on her]
LENI: "What happened?"
LINCOLN: "A shelf fell on your head."
LENI: "Of course! Everyone knows that an object falling at a velocity of 9.8 meters per second squared will result in a temporary loss of consciousness."
LISA: "I knew that. The question is, how did you?"
LINCOLN: "Hey, I saw this in a movie once. I bet getting hit on the head altered Leni's brain and made her smart."
LISA: "Lincoln, you seem unable to distinguish between scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock."
LENI: "I don't get it."
LISA: "See? Same old Leni. Can't even understand simple English."
LENI: [walks over to Lisa's chalkboard, which contains a complex equation] "No, I don't get why you multiplied your "Z" polynomials before solving your non-negative integer exponents."
[Lisa looks over the equation, and gasps loudly as it dawns on her that Leni is right]
LENI: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to disprove Newtonian physics. Buh-bye!"
LISA: [collapses to the floor, crestfallen]" My world no longer makes sense."
[Charles looks up and growls at Lincoln]
LINCOLN: "Don't you have a couch to poop on?"


[cuts to Lincoln finishing cleaning up the couch]
LINCOLN: "Charles, that was a rhetorical question!"
[Lynn enters the house, screams loudly, and pounds her fist against the wall; she hyperventilates as Lincoln walks up to her]
LINCOLN: "What are you so upset about?"
LYNN: "I just got kicked off all my sports teams because I'm failing school!"
LINCOLN: "How could you fail? Doesn't Lisa tutor you?"
LYNN: "She used to, until she dropped out and got a job as a gas station attendant at Flip's Food & Fuel!"
LINCOLN: "She WHAT?!"
LYNN: "UGH, WITHOUT SPORTS, MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!" (kicks her soccer ball hard)
LOLA: [walks down the stairs] "I present to you your new "Miss Cute and--" [the ball hits her in the face] "OH, MY NOSE!"
[Lola looks into a mirror, and sees that her nose has severely swollen up]
LOLA: [gasps] "I am a hideous...monster."
LINCOLN: "It's not that bad, Lola."
LOLA: "MY PAGEANT CAREER IS OVER!"
[Lola runs up the stairs, and she trips and falls on her face when she reaches the top]
LOLA: "OH, MY TEETH!" [cries]
[Charles looks up at Lincoln, and he shakes his head in disapproval]
LINCOLN: "Fine, I'll fix it."


[Lincoln rides his bike over to Flip's Food & Fuel, and he sees Lisa wearing a gas station attendant's uniform]
LINCOLN: "Lisa, why are you doing this?"
LISA: "Flip's the only guy who will hire four-year-olds with no experience."
LINCOLN: "No, I mean, why are you doing any of this? Come home. Lynn needs you!"
LISA: "Why don't you get Miss Smartypants to help her!" [Leni drives up in a purple convertible] "Speak of the Devil. Regular or unleaded?
LENI: [brandishes a certificate] "Oh, I don't need gas. I just won the Nobel Prize for inventing a car that runs on apple juice."
LISA: "Of course you did."
LENI: [hands Lisa a juice box] "Fill 'er up, please."
[Lisa opens up the fuel tank, and squirts the box's contents into it]
LINCOLN: "And then we'll all get in Leni's juicemobile, go home, and forget all this nonsense."
LENI: "Can't! I'm off to Harvard! Au revoir, adios, auf Wiedersehen, and aloha!"
LISA: "A-HA! "Aloha" means "Hello"!"
LENI: "It also means "Goodbye"!" [speeds off]
LISA: "Dang it. I used to know that."
[Flip, the owner of the station, opens a window and calls out to Lisa]
FLIP: "Hey, Chatty Cathy, BACK TO WORK!"
[the station's payphone rings; Lincoln answers it, and he hears barking on the other end]
LINCOLN: "Hello? Charles? She's WHAT?! Alright, I'm on my way!"


[Lincoln enters Lola's room, holding an ice pack]
LINCOLN: "Look who it is, Miss Soon-to-heal."
[Lola, who is trying to stuff a bunch of clothes into a suitcase, turns to Lincoln; she still has her swollen nose, and all but one of her teeth are gone]
LOLA: "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
LINCOLN: "AAAAAHHH! I mean, you're looking better!"
LOLA: [with a lisp] "Oh, nice try, Lincoln, but I am out of here! I can't stay where I'm constantly reminded of my former self!" [looks up, sadly, at old photos of herself] "My beautiful, beautiful self."
LINCOLN: "But...But..."
[Lola struggles to pull her stuffed suitcase, and the handle breaks off, causing her to fall on her face and black both her eyes]
LOLA: "I'll send for this!" [grabs the ice pack, puts it over her eyes, and walks out into the hallway]
LINCOLN: "Lola, wait!"
[Lincoln tries to run for her, but he bumps into a plastic bubble containing Lana]
LANA: "Careful, Lincoln! You could get seriously injured!"
LINCOLN: "Lana, what are you doing in there?"
LANA: "I saw what happened to Lola. Life is a fragile thing. I don't want to take any risks."
LINCOLN: "But you're the queen of risks!"
LANA: "Was the queen of risks! From now on, I'll stay in here, where it's safe! You know what I'm talkin' about, huh, Geo?"
[Geo rolls by in his hamster ball]
LINCOLN: "Lana, you can't be serious!" [Lana rolls past him] "Lana?!"
[Lincoln suddenly hears Luna singing]
LUNA: [singing] "Things have gotten drastic / Now, my sister lives in plastic / Where did it all go wrong?"
LINCOLN: "Luna?
LUNA: [shows Lincoln a laptop] "Check it, bro. I uploaded a song I wrote about our family going down the Highway to--HELLO! I just got fifty more hits!"
[the ceiling breaks open, and Mick Swagger descends, holding into a rope ladder from a helicopter]
LUNA: [gasps] "Mick Swagger?!"
MICK: "Your singing is amazing! You gotta join my tour"! [holds Luna's hand]
LUNA: "Luna is IN!"
[the rope goes up though the hole in the ceiling, carrying both away]
LINCOLN: "Don't you leave, too! THE FAMILY'S FALLING APART!"
LUNA: [from the helicopter] "SORRY, DUDE!"
[the helicopter flies away]


[Lincoln goes into his room, and he decides to contact Clyde with his walkie-talkie]
LINCOLN: "Clyde, this is Lincoln! Come in! I've got a Code Blue!"
[the screen splits in half to show Clyde's location]
CLYDE: "Code Blue?! You did something wrong and lied about it, and now everything is all messed up?!"
LINCOLN: "Affirmative! Can you come over?!"
CLYDE: "Negative. I've got a Code Green!"
LINCOLN: "You showed up to school in your underwear?"
CLYDE: "No, that's Code Orange? Hang on."
[Clyde's is revealed to be skydiving with Lori, and he takes a picture of them with his camera phone; Lincoln gets the picture via text message on his phone, and he jumps up in surprise]
LINCOLN: "SWEET MOTHER OF...What are you doing with Lori?!"
CLYDE: "I've been trying to tell you! A Code Green; Lori broke up with Bobby, and I'm the rebound guy!"
LORI: "Happy eight-minute-iversary, Snookie-Booboo-Sugarbear."
[Clyde leans in for a kiss, but Lori deploys her parachute, causing Clyde to kiss a flying bird instead]
LINCOLN: [gags and throws away the walkie-talkie] "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?!"
[Luan shows up, solemn and depressed, and knocks on Lincoln's door]
LUAN: "Knock-knock."
LINCOLN: "Who's there?"
LUAN: "This is not a joke, Lincoln. Do you know what's going on in the world? Here, take Mr. Coconuts. He just reminds me of all the trees being cut down in the rainforest."
LINCOLN: "Wait, Luan, what brought this on?"
LUAN: "Well, ever since Luna left, I've had no one to try my jokes out on. So, I've been watching a lot of cable news, and what I've seen is horrific. So, I've decided to become...an ACTIVIST!"
LINCOLN: "Don't be ridiculous! You're a comedian!" [takes out a pie and throws it into his face] "See? Funny, right?"
[a horde of wild animals stampedes past Lincoln]
LINCOLN: "What the heck was that?!"
LUAN: "They're just Lana's pets. I liberated them. And now, I'm off to heal this ticking time bomb we call Earth."
LINCOLN: "Wait, Luan, you can't be serious!"
[a monkey appears, spooking Lincoln, and it takes Mr. Coconuts]


[the monkey and a big snake are in the living room; Lincoln chases Izzy, who hides under the couch]
LINCOLN: "Get back here, Izzy!"
[the snake hisses at him, and hides behind the couch]
LINCOLN: "Izzy, come to Uncle Lincoln!"
NEWS ANCHOR: [on the TV] "And now, for tonight's top stories. Former rising star Luna Loud was kicked off the Mick Swagger tour for destroying a hotel room."
[the news cut to footage of Luna screaming amidst the wreckage of her hotel room]
LUNA: [in a British accent] "ALL I WANTED WAS A BLEEDING PILLOW MINT!"
LINCOLN: "Luna?"
NEWS ANCHOR: "In a related story, former comedian turned activist Luan Loud has chained herself to a giant redwood tree."
[the news cuts to footage of Luan chained to a giant redwood tree, while onlookers record her with their mobile devices]
LUAN: [chanting] "Hey-hey, ho-ho! Keep your hands off, let it grow!"
LINCOLN: "Luan?!"
[Izzy, the snake, and the monkey join him in viewing]
NEWS ANCHOR: "I'm being told we have breaking news."
LINCOLN: "Please don't be one of my sisters!"
[the news cuts to a reporter on the scene at Flip's Food & Fuel, with Lisa drinking a "Flippee" ice drink right next to her]
REPORTER: "Tucker, I'm here at Flip's Food & Fuel, where two unknown bandits have just made off with a carload of beef jerky and a cotton candy machine!"
LISA: "They're not unknown, they're my sisters." [sips] "Their betrayal hurts more than this brain freeze."
REPORTER: "I'm getting word that the bandits are currently leading police on a slow-speed chase!"
[cuts to an army of police cars chasing Lola's kiddie car through the desert; Lola, her face now covered in bandages, is driving, while Lynn is in the passenger seat, eating cotton candy]
[Lincoln and the animals look on in shock; Izzy, Lincoln, and the monkey take on the familiar "wise monkey" poses]
LINCOLN: "WHERE DID IT ALL GO WROOOONG?!"
REPORTER: "One has to wonder, where did it all go wrong for these girls? And why is a four-year-old working at a gas station?"
[Flip takes hold of the camera]
FLIP: "Interview over! Wait, don't forget to come down to Flip's Food & Fuel, home of the Flippee! Now the interview's over." [puts his hand over the camera]
[Lincoln turns off the TV; Lucy suddenly appears next to him]
LUCY: "I was watching that."
LINCOLN [screams and jumps up in terror] "Lucy! At least you're still normal!"
[Lucy looks toward Lincoln, and smiles wide to reveal a pair of fangs]
LINCOLN: "D'AAH! NOT NORMAL!"
LUCY: I was bitten by Lana's liberated vampire bat! Greatest! Day! EVER!" [turns into a bat and flies away]
LINCOLN: "Nine sisters lost, but there's still one I can save!"


[Lincoln enters Lisa and Lily's room, and he looks into Lily's crib; he finds that she is not in it]
LINCOLN: "Lily?"
[the roof is lifted up from outside by Lily, who has grown to gargantuan size; she looks down at Lincoln, and she giggles]
LINCOLN: "LILY!"
[Lincoln sees a trail of Lisa's chemicals leading from her desk to the crib]
LINCOLN: "Oh no, Lisa's chemicals! What have I done?!"
LILY: "Mmmm...glob-glob!"
[Lily reaches down for Lincoln as he tries to run away; he gets caught, and Lily opens her mouth]
LINCOLN: "DON'T EAT ME, LILY!"
[Lincoln screams as Lily lifts him toward her mouth; his open mouth fills the camera, turning the screen black]


[the screen flashes back to the point where Lincoln and Charles were overlooking the damage on Lisa's desk]
LINCOLN: "So that's the worst thing that could happen."
CHARLES: [barks]
LINCOLN: "I totally agree! I'm going to tell Lisa!"
LISA: [in the doorway] "Tell Lisa what?" [gasps as she sees the damage]
LINCOLN: [fearful] "I was playing with my yo-yo, and it got out of control, and it wrecked your experiment, and I'm really, really sorry! Go ahead and disown me, 'cause I deserve it!"
[Lisa smiles, and hugs Lincoln]
LINCOLN: "I'm confused. You're not mad?"
LISA: "Mad? I'm ecstatic! You proved my hypothesis! Your recklessness was the one variable my ridgedly-controlled experiment sorely needed!"
LINCOLN: "I'm still confused."
LISA: "I'm saying thank you for being a clumsy doofus. And thanks for admitting what you did."
LINCOLN: "I didn't have a choice. I didn't want you to work at a gas station, or Lynn and Lola to turn to a life of crime, or Lana to live in a bubble, or...or...or..."
LISA: [walking away] "Fascinating. Exposure to my chemicals seems to have damaged his cerebral cortex."
LINCOLN: [sighs; speaks to the viewers] "Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over."
[Lincoln hears a bicycle bell ringing from outside; he looks out and sees Lori, and Clyde riding a tandem bike, which is dragging a string of cans and a sign reading "JUST MARRIED"; the sight of this causes Lincoln to scream in horror]

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