The following is a transcript for the episode "April Fools Rules".
Lincoln: [marks April 1st on his calendar; to the viewers.] "Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Every year my sister Luan creates a prank apocalypse and no one is spared! I present to you Luan Loud's April Fools' Highlight Reel."
[He begins showing a montage of Luan's April Fools' Day pranks on the Loud Family. First, the siblings are looking at their furniture, which is tacked upside down to the ceiling.]
Luan: "I'd say this prank's a little over your head!" [laughs]
[Now they open the door to find the room full of chickens]
Luan: "Seems to be your clucky day!" [laughs]
[Now the kids are looking at their house all wrapped up in wrapping paper.]
Luan: [rips through a window] "I guess that's a wrap!" [laughs]
[Now the siblings are trapped in a humongous gelatin.]
Luan: "Aww, look at the Loud Family gettin' jiggly with it!" [laughs]
[The pets' fur and Walt's feathers got shaved off.]
Luan: [holding a buzz shaver] "I shaved the best for last!" [laughs]
[The video ends]
Lincoln: "See what I mean? Nobody's safe from that evil pranking genius. But this year's gonna be different. Luan is not gonna prank me! Because I've got an April Fool proof plan. [towards his door] You're not the only one who can make a pun, Luan!" [opens his door to reveal Lily wearing a watermelon helmet and diaper, Lynn putting on padding, Lola coating herself and Lana in bubble-wrap.]
Lana: "Bubble-wrap me next!"
Lucy: [enters with her head inside a gargoyle head.] "I need more armor."
Lynn: [as Lisa enters in army gear] "Where's my helmet!?"
Lori: [talking on her smartphone] "Bobby, we have to cancel all our plans in April." [Bobby asks why] "Because Luan might shave my eyebrows off again! And it takes a month for them to grow back."
Luna: [following Lisa] "C'mon Lisa! Let me hunker in your bunker!"
Lisa: "You should've been more prepared. We'd known this storm was coming for 364 days."
Luna: [dropping to her knees and begging] "PLEASE! GIVE ME SHELTER!"
[Lincoln walks by whistling when Lola dashes out in front of him.]
Lola: "Arms up, Lincoln! Your turn for bubble-wrap.
Lincoln: [puts his hand in front of Lola.] Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked.
[Loud girls chatter]
Lola: It's never been done!
Lynn: Are you crazy?
Lincoln: Ladies! Ladies! I got a plan! I'm simply gonna lock myself in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.
Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lily: Ew!
Lincoln: [points to his window] It goes out the window! The point is, I'll never have to leave my room so Luan will never get me.
[The siblings look frightened as Luan comes upstairs while holding a sausage.]
Luan: Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just bubbling with excitement. [pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away.]
Lola: I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.
Lincoln: Thanks for the lumber, Lana! I'll return it on April 2nd. [walks away with lumber.]
Lana: Mahogany was a good choice. That'll hold nicely.
[Lincoln closes his door, uses the drill to seal the nails and Mahogany on it, then puts a chair by the doorknob.]
Lincoln: [takes out his radio] Clyde, wanna hang out tomorrow? I built us a fortress with snacks, games and a Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.
Clyde: On Pranksgiving? No way! Not after what happened last year.
[Flashback to what happened during the past April Fool's Day where Clyde steps on a rope as one of Luan's prank traps. Water sprays on his face and he is covered in hay. Luan's laughing can be heard. Then, a flock of crows come to attack him as he screams. End flashback as Clyde looks a little scared.]
Lincoln: But nothing's gonna happen this year. I've got an April Foolproof plan. [ringtone sounds] Hang on Clyde, Ronnie Anne just texted me. [checks his phone] She said she's coming over tomorrow with a present for me. [gasps] She can't come over tomorrow! She'll get nailed by Luan's pranks and then pulverize me!
Clyde: Just tell her to come over another day.
Lincoln: I can't do that! That will definitely get me pulverized!
Clyde: You gotta get Luan to call off Prankapalooza. Appeal to her humanity. Beg if you have to!
Lincoln: Good idea! Just as soon as I get the Mahogany off the door!
[Lincoln tries pulling it off and goes in Luna and Luan's room, he arrives and Luan turns around in a Jester chair to face Lincoln while she has Cliff on her lap.]
Lincoln: Luan! You gotta call off Prankageddon! Please! Ronnie Anne is coming over tomorrow and I can't let her get pranked!
Lincoln: Really! Wow that was easier than I...
Luan: APRIL FOOLS PRACTICE! Lincoln, you know the April Fools Rules. Anyone who sets foot on our property is fair game. Speaking of which, is Clyde coming over? 'Cause I'd love to just say HAY!!! [chuckles insanely]
[Lincoln storms back to his room, puts the Mahogany back on his door and calls Clyde.]
Lincoln: Clyde! Pleading with Luan did not work! She's an animal! [hears a cat noise] What was that?
Clyde: Oh, that's Cleopawtra. She's been feisty lately so we put her in a timeout crate.
Lincoln: Timeout crate. That's it! [runs away to brainstorm his idea and tries to pull the Mahogany off the door.] Why did I choose Mahogany?
[At the basement, Lincoln flicks the lamp on.]
Lincoln: [to his sisters who are not Luan] Okay, we're all here? Good! So, about Luan...
Lola: Shh! She's got ears everywhere! [turns on the washing machine] I saw this in a mob movie once. She won't hear us over the noise.
Lincoln: We all know tomorrow is going to be awful. But it doesn't have to be. If we combine forces, we can prevent Luan from setting up any pranks in the first place.
Lynn: Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that?
Lincoln: Let me tell you my plan.
Lisa: Better make it snappy. We're almost done with the spin cycle.
[Later that night in Luna and Luan's room, Luan is snoring. Luna then gets up and gives a bird-like call to signal that Luan is asleep. Everyone then enters the room. Luan then opens her eyes as her siblings tied her down, trapped her in a cage, and keeping her fingers together with Chinese finger traps.]
Luan: [enraged] LET ME [starts screaming her words] OUT OF HERE!
Luan: Really? Wow! That was easier than I...
Lincoln: APRIL FOOLS! We aren't letting you out until April 2nd! [The other sisters begin to cheer.]
Lynn: That was a crate plan, Lincoln! [The siblings laugh during a rimshot.]
Lori: I've been crating for this moment all my life! [The siblings laugh again.]
Lana: Well, better crate than never! [The siblings laugh again.]
Leni: You're in a crate! [The other siblings don't seem to get it.] Get it?
Lincoln: Maybe we should just go to bed.
[The next day, Luna is heard screaming. The cage is now broken, meaning that Luan just escaped, much to the horror of everyone.]
Lola: [panicked] We're doomed! Luan escaped, and now she's gonna be mad!
Lincoln: How could this have happened?!
Luna: She's a black magic woman, dude!
Lincoln: [holds up a loose chain] I gotta get my money back for these.
[As Lincoln pulls the chain, it sets up a bucket full of honey that spills on him, followed by a blast of feathers while the sisters gasp in surprise.]
Lisa: Peace out. I'll be in my bunker. [dashes off]
Lincoln: Everyone else to my room! We'll be safe there.
[As the siblings runs towards Lincoln's room, their parents shows up by the stairs. Rita is wearing a padded gear while Lynn Sr. is wearing bubble wrap.]
Lynn Sr.: What's all this ruckus about?
Lori: Luan's on the loose! TAKE COVER!
Rita: But we thought you locked her up!
Lynn Sr.: Plan B! RETREAT! RETREAT! [He and Rita run back downstairs.]
Lincoln: [ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.] Oh no! Ronnie Anne's on her way? Could this day get any worse? [He bangs his head on the wall. A rope on the wall is attached to the vacuum cleaner that's taped on the ceiling and its bag opens up to drop dust on Lincoln.] Well, that's my answer. But on the plus side, that's one less prank Ronnie Anne could suffer. [gets an idea] That's it! If I set off all the pranks in the house, there won't be any left for her.
Lynn: Lincoln! It's not safe out there!
Lincoln: Save yourselves! I got a job to do.
Lucy: Don't worry, Lincoln, I'll plan your funeral.
[The sisters close Lincoln's bedroom door and puts Mahogany on it. Lincoln puts on a helmet and takes out the house map and circles kitchen.]
Lincoln: I'll start by de-pranking the kitchen.
[Lincoln goes downstairs and looks at a sign that says "Kitchen this way" while it points the open front door.]
Lincoln: Kitchen this way? Ha! Does she think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?
[Lincoln takes the original route and goes into the kitchen and finds grease on the floor.]
Lincoln: Well, here goes nothing.
[Lincoln cautiously walks on the grease trap causing a boot contraption to kick him into the fridge while a box falls on his head. As he gets up, he slips on the grease, opens the fridge door, and is socked right in the face by a boxing glove on a spring. The force of impact propels him into the stove.]
[His helmet breaks apart, and a bunch of vicious raccoons pop out of the stove and attack Lincoln as he screams in pain.]
Luan: [popping in from the other room.] "I made that dish from scratch!" [laughs]
[In the backyard, the Loud siblings' parents are at Lisa's shelter.]
Rita: [As Lynn Sr. knocks on the shelter.] "Lisa Marie Loud! Let us in!"
Lisa: "I'll need some of your assurances in return! One, I will never again be punished for the explosions in or around the house!"
Luan: [with a pile of Lily's stinky diapers.] "Happy April Stools!" [She prepares to aim one with a slingshot towards her parents.]
Rita: "Are those diapers? She wouldn't!"
Lynn Sr. [frantically pounds the shelter.] "Whatever you want! Just let us in!"
Lisa: [opens the shelter while holding a contract.] "Sign here, here and initials here."
[After the parents sign their names, they hide while Luan shoots diapers at them.]
Lincoln: [looks at the map and finds a flying flour in the bathroom and screams.] Ha! [He catches it, but the flour has a timer to explode.] "Uh oh!" [The flour explodes and Lincoln starts coughing as he finds the sink to turn it on, but the water splashes him.] "Towel! Towel! Towel! Where's the towel?" [As he blindly searches for a towel, he finds a raccoon and uses it to wipe himself but after he opens his eyes, he finds out he has one and screams as he runs away from it.]
Luan: "Don't give up. No one likes a critter." [chuckles]
Lori: "I think if we ration the food, we should be okay."
Lana: "What does 'ration' mean?" [eats a bag of chips and drinks apple juice. The others glare at her.]
Lola: [scoffs] "Typical. Now someone has to go into the kitchen for more supplies."
[Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, and Lucy all talk at once]
Lana: [gasps] "Let's draw straws!"
Leni: [sighs] "I'll just go. I know I'm gonna lose. I'm a terrible artist."
Lucy: "Actually, that's not what-"
Lola: [covers Lucy's mouth] "Good luck, Leni!" [She and the other girls shove Leni out of Lincoln's room and put the Mahogany back on the door.]
Leni: [makes it downstairs and finds a sign that says "Kitchen this way" and reads it.] "Kitchen this way? Oh. Thank you, sign." [finds another sign that says the same thing.] Thank you, sign!" [finds another sign.] "Thank you, sign! Thank you, sign!"
[She keeps following them into the town to parts unknown.]
Lincoln: [looks at map] "Okay. Living room. So far, so good."
[then a red line comes when Lincoln crosses it and a projecter is switched on, showing an embarrassing video of Lincoln kissing a balloon with a face on it while Clyde is beside him.]
Lincoln: "I think this is how you kiss a girl." [kisses Edwin balloon]
Clyde: "Don't hold back, Lincoln. Girls like a guy with passion!"
[Lincoln kisses the balloon and it pops. The video loops.]
Lincoln: "I can't let Ronnie Anne see this." [goes on the couch] "Stop! Stop!" [He tries to stop the film, but the couch has a spring and Lincoln goes up the ceiling and gets stuck by sticky flypapers. He falls down to the couch and goes back up.]
Luan: "Looks like spring is in the air." [chuckles]
Lincoln: [looks at the map] "Just got to finish the bedrooms!" [the house's exterior is shown as Lincoln gets attacked by Luan's pranks. Afterwards, Lincoln is tired, beat up and dirtied as he gets a call from Clyde.]
Clyde: "Lincoln! What's happening? Lucy just invited me to your funeral."
Lincoln: [takes a mouse trap out of his eye and screams.] "OW!! I've been setting off all the pranks in the house so Ronnie Anne doesn't get hit." [Lifts his shoe as sand pours out.] "I've gone through every room except Leni and Lori's." [Clyde hangs up] "Clyde? Hello!?"
[the doorbell rings as Lincoln goes downstairs to open the door.]
Clyde: "I volunteer to clear Lori's room." [Clyde goes to Lori and Leni's room offscreen as he gets attacked by Luan's pranks.] "It was worth it. Lori's room smells like apple cinnamon."
Lincoln: "That might be this pie." [points to the pie on his head and sighs.] "Well, that's it. The Loud House is prank free." [high-fives Clyde as the latter walks away and faints. Ronnie Anne arrives and is surprised when Clyde faints, before looking annoyed.]
Luan: [chuckles as Ronnie Anne arrives] "I won! You thought you'd outsmart me, but you got the worst pranking ever!"
Lincoln: "You didn't really win, Luan. I only set off those pranks because Ronnie Anne was coming over." [Ronnie Anne looks rather touched at hearing her crush say this.]
Luan: "Yeah! Well who do you think invited her over, genius?" [Ronnie Anne's expression turns to a confused look.] "I knew I had to lure you out of your room, so I called Ronnie Anne, and told her how much you loved April Fools' Day. And here she is, to deliver the final blow."
[Lincoln turns to Ronnie Anne, who pulls out a pie, with a villainous-looking smile on her face. Lincoln braces for impact, and a splat is heard... but he isn't hit.]
Lincoln: "Huh?" [As Lincoln opens his eyes, he finds out that she instead threw the pie in Luan's face.] "But why'd you do that?"
Ronnie Anne: "You took all those pranks for me. It's the least I could do. Come on, let's draw some eyebrows on you and go get a milkshake."
[The two leave the house.]
Luan: "That girl's a keeper!"
[Soon afterwards, the family come out of their hidings and are relieved that the prankfest is over.]
Lynn Sr.: "I think it's over!"
[The other eight sisters agreed.]
Rita: "Wait! Where's Leni?"
Lisa: [looking at the Kitchen This Way sign.] "I have my suspicions."
Lynn Sr.: "Okay, everybody in the van. Let's find Leni, and then afterwards, frozen yogurt to celebrate! Ha ha!"
[Everyone cheers and hurries to the van. But just as the van is about to start, the airbag explodes, splatting blue paint everywhere in the car.]
Everyone: [furious] "LUAN!"
Luan: [to the viewers] "Aw, the end of April Fools always make me feel a little blue". [laughs] "Get it?"
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